“I gave you what you wanted.”
As he pulled my underwear down, jamming his fingers inside me.
“What were you drinking?”
I tell him he is hurting me.
“Why didn’t you yell for help?”
He’s on top of me now, pushing my legs apart.
“But she’s such a sweet girl.”
I feel his hot breath on my neck as he says, “I just want to fuck you.”
“Why didn’t you leave?”
There’s an arm chair in front of the door.
“You shouldn’t talk about such private things.”
He picks me up and pulls me on top of him, biting me.
“You have a lack of accountability and responsibility in your life.”
The lights are on and so are my shoes. I’m standing on my own two feet.
“It’s between you and the attacker.”
A hand on the side of my head pushing me over, raping me from behind.
“You invited yourself over.”
Bright, fluorescent lights of the Emergency Room.
“How drunk were you?”
Bruises, bites, and tears being measured and photographed by strangers.
“Just talk to him, I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”
6 hours later- alone at 5 am, kneeling over the toilet.
“I don’t think you should tell your mom, I didn’t tell mine.”
The soreness makes it hard to move for days.
“Are you sure you want an order of protection?”- being asked for the 3rd time.
Eating is impossible. Sleeping brings nightmares. Flashbacks on repeat.
“Pussy so good.”
I want to believe that nothing happened, but my body tells a different story.
“It’s probably best if you take a leave of absence from school, lay low until everything blows over.”
I’m still me, yet everything has changed.
“It will reflect very poorly on you at the end.”
I am taking control now.
“Rape culture is a lie.”
I refuse to be silent.
“You’re the most selfish person I know.”
I am not a victim.
“You are blowing things out of proportion.”
I am a survivor.
“But I was just giving you what you wanted.”
