So there we were - or me really - I did not know you were there because I was discussing the nutritional facts of a screwdriver with a friend. You came up to me a few times throughout the night to say “what’s up?” “how are you?” and “this is kind of lame, right?” Whatever. I’m pretty busy waiting in line for the bathroom and I’m just not interested. In no way was I being rude, but in no way was I hinting that I wanted you to continue pursuing me.
But you obviously did not pick that up, and instead you chose to make a bold move.
You chose to pinch my ass.
I chose not to say anything because the last time I yelled at someone for pinching my ass, the surrounding group of people looked at me as if I was insane.
Or for example, when the drunken boy pulled me into a room, put his arm up against the doorway (blocking me from getting out), and told me that I “needed” to kiss him. This was not this drunken boy’s first offense – the weekend before he had came up to me and kissed me out of nowhere and without my consent. But for some reason, he still had the audacity to bring up my latest go-to guy and tell me that I was a “player,” because I was supposedly “feeling” him.
What?
I would like to also point out that I had told this boy that I had a boyfriend (even though I did not), and also that I was not interested. Neither of those excuses seemed to stop him from blocking me in a room.
Now I do not think that this boy is malicious or cold-hearted. I just do not think that he understands the boundaries that need to be upheld regardless of alcohol consumption. He also does not understand that I am apart of the one in four college women who have been or will be sexually assaulted, and that this incident caused me to have a panic attack that came with all the flashbacks and the pangs of guilt.
2015 and 2016 have been great years for addressing the issue of rape culture, but even with my college’s extensive Title XI training for all students – the blurred lines are still remaining blurred.
I don’t have an answer of how to better address this, but I think it begins with understanding that rape culture is not something that we just hear about. It is not just the violence, having to watch who you take drinks from or the actual occurrence of rape. It is the little things that we allow to slip through the cracks. It is the ass-pinches and the “need” to kiss me’s, and the expectations to be “chill” in the party culture that feeds rape culture.
