Before I really get started here, let's get one thing straight, folks: when people complain about their "retail" job, they aren't necessarily folding shirts at the local Abercrombie & Fitch. Retail jobs encompass many fields; you've got retail jobs in pet stores, clothing stores, hardware stores, makeup stores, book stores, jewelry stores, (let's pretend I'm planning on being ambiguous about where I work) grocery stores, and many more places!

Before this summer (I'm about to be a junior in college), I'd never had a "real job". Sure, I was pretty much a pro at babysitting by this point, and I had a ton of volunteer experience under my belt, along with writing for Odyssey, but I had never clocked in at a store, suffered for 8 hours, and sold my soul to the franchise and manager. When I was in high school, my job was to be a student as well as a leader in several clubs. I got the fancy scholarship for college, I had the killer college-app, but I had no real work experience.

Getting closer to graduating from college, even if I am only halfway there, it was clear that this summer was my time to jump on the bandwagon and do my fair share of suffering- in retail.

Everyone tells me that all people should work retail at some point in their lives. I didn't realize that as soon as I got a job in retail, that sentence would expand to "all people should work retail at some point in their lives BECAUSE they'll get to learn how cruel people can actually be and how to deal with pesky issues". Yeah, un-sign me up for that.

I've been working at *my ambiguous grocery store job* for about 3 weeks now, and I was ready to retire, like, yesterday.

First off, working in retail, I learned that management really is that bad. Like, yeah, my boss is a cool dude, but like, general grade for management has got to be like a C-. First off, I'm a part-time worker. Can you not schedule me for 8 hours a day on like all the days. I don't "want to go to there". I don't want to "live dat lyfe". I signed up for like 22 hours a week, guys; seriously, in my application, that's what I put. Also, when I wrote "open availability", I meant that I could work whenever you wanted me to work, not however long you wanted me to work. Any time, darlings; not ALL THE TIMES.

Also, I know I'm not an expert in *ambiguous grocery* store running, but seriously? If we have to do some of the stuff we do under the conditions which you are asking us to do it, y'all need to hire some more people. Hire the desperate high schoolers. Do it.

ALSO, can we please talk about co-workers. First off, I gotta give them a shoutout because they suffer with me and are my guardian angels at times. Other times though, I understand why we don't hang out outside of work. Friends, when you call off work the morning of your shift, do you realize that I get the evil eye thrown at ME when I come in, following the schedule, after refusing to pick up your shift? I didn't sign up for that- me being unavailable to cover YOUR shift which YOU blew off should NOT end up being MY fault. I get it, you're tired, you don't want to be there, but guess what? Neither do I, and I extra don't want to catch the flak for you're shortcomings! Also, I'm tired of getting "talked to" about being slow in my work habits when 1) I'M JUST NEWLY COMING OUT OF THE TRAINEE PERIOD, and 2) I think it's awfully fishy that when I work the morning shift, you're done everything 3 hours before close, but when YOU work the morning shift, I have to work overtime to finish everything. Blame it on the newbie though, amirite?

Also, HR exists for a reason, guys. Just because I work in the same building as you does NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, make it AT ALL EVEN REMOTELY OKAY for you to make inappropriate comments to me, about me, about my family; nor touch me, at all, anywhere, for any amount of time. I'm a woman human being, and you're violating things. Back off.

ALSO, THE MUSIC, CAN WE NOT PLAY THE SAME PLAYLIST EVERY DAY 9 TIMES A DAY? KCOOLTHNX!

Now on to our lovely customers. Sure, maybe my *ambiguous grocery* store has a reputation for being "friendly", but when I go home, I daydream about bad things happening to you. Hm maybe I should try sounding less sociopathic, eh hem, "but when I go home, I cry tears of joy in fetal position in the corner of my room while whispering to myself "they're gone"."

NOPE, no way to diminish my dislike for you.

DID YOU FORGET THAT WE, RETAIL WORKERS, ARE PEOPLE, TOO? CUZ I'M PRETTY SURE YOU DID.

Do NOT offer me advice on how to do my job better, especially when I'm just following protocol.

Do NOT hit on me; I think that neither your jokes nor comments are funny.

Do NOT threaten to get me fired, I would LOVE to see you try.

Do NOT ask me about every single ingredient in every single item.

Do NOT ask me to make special exceptions for you.

Do NOT tell me what we apparently "usually do" here.

Do NOT treat me like some kind of personal verbal punching bag because YOU'RE so discontent with YOUR own life that you need to thoroughly insult someone's intelligence by associating it with, in your opinion, UNSATISFACTORY BAGGING SKILLS. Like, come on, now. I have a full merit scholarship to my university. Calm the *bleep* down, child.

Do NOT criticize me for not being an expert on EVERYTHING about the franchise.

Do NOT expect me to be making company-wide decisions.

Do NOT get aggravated when I break the news to you that I am neither qualified nor trained to do every single job in the store.

Do NOT get mad at ME when we run out of things or do not carry seasonal items (like pumpkin spice things in May).

Just, stahp. I get it, you're people, too. I turn into one of you every day when I leave this hellhole, but just because I wear a uniform and stand behind the counter, does not mean that I gave up my humanity card.

OH, and I'm SO SO tired, so at the end of an 8 hour shift of standing and carrying heavy things and doing YOUR b*t*h work, FORGIVE ME IF MY SMILE AND PERKINESS SLACKS A TEENSY BIT.

If anything, I have to give my retail job a little thank you. Dear retail job, thank you for motivating me to get my GPA up and get a real person job because the thought of working here for the rest of my life makes me want to eat shards of glass.