I'll be the first to say it: I cannot motivate myself. Normally, this isn't much of an issue, because other things can provide motivation for me, such as deadlines, parents, friends, watching other people be motivated, and a few others. But now, as I sit on my couch attempting to do homework for an independent Spanish class, in the same place I have been all day with little progress, all these motivators are unavailable.
My deadline doesn't really exist, because while things are technically due, what happens if I don't do these things? The whole class pauses for me. Because I am the whole class. And because my professor told me if I need more time I can take it. Why. Why would she say that. The one thing that could push me along right now, taken away by a professor attempting to relieve the stress.
My parents aren't around and have no way to check how I am doing in the class, so they are currently completely out of the motivational picture. My friends, well my friends are currently as unmotivated as I am. As I type this, the only two friends I have around are going through old pictures on their phones. One of them is also in an independent class and the other leaves tomorrow for a class trip, so they are in the same motivation-less hole. No help there. All those others around me being productive that I can usually use as guilt motivation (you know the kind, when everyone else seems to have their life together so you have to at least pretend) aren't here because I live in a suite. With an independent class. So basically, I don't leave and I don't see other people.
So now what can I do? The beauty and ease of first week is now gone. I told myself all weekend that I would get things done so as not to be rushed later. But every time my computer came out to work on my essay, or I opened my book to read, I just couldn't. I would stare at the page for a while, then keep it open for the next few hours while I sat and did something else. And now here I am, completely overwhelmed with how much work I have to do and how little time I have to do it. Yes, I know this is just called procrastination and it is the college lifestyle, but for me, it's not usually this bad.
Well, here I am just about at the 500 word minimum for the article. After this short break to rant about how bad my motivation is, it's back to pretending to do homework. I mean, I'll get it done eventually. I guess I better get back into the Spanish mindset...pero mi mente todavía está cansada. Quiero dormir, no quiero hacer mi tarea y analizar poemas.
(For my lovely friends who don't understand Spanish, I'm just complaining more about not wanting to do it.)
But let me tell you, if you try to take an independent class, make sure you have the personal motivation to get it done.
