As we near the three year anniversary of the end of Gossip Girl's reign, it is time to reflect back on the men of Manhattan. Here, my definitive ranking of every male that has left his mark on the Upper East Side. Can't wait? Me neither. You know you love me.
19. Bart Bass: To start, are you dead, are you alive, who knows? His constant ridicule of Chuck is enough to make most want to throw him off a building, which *SPOILER ALERT* coincidently Chuck does in the second-to-last-episode. Bart, maybe if you had spent more time doing pull ups and less time being a terrible person, you would have been able to pull yourself back up.
18. William van der Woodsen: First he walks out on Serena and Eric, then he has an affair with Ivy (the woman his ex-wife's sister paid to pretend to be their love-child in order to steal their real daughter's inheritance). Gross, messed up, confusing-- all of the above. Even more frustrating, in the last episode Lily and William attend Dan and Serena's wedding as a couple. William, how did you win when absolutely nobody was rooting for you?
17. Howard Archibald: Arrested for embezzlement and cocaine, Howie is not off to a great start. Trying to prove he deserves a spot in the Vanderbilt family causes Howard to be a demanding father and have a spotty relationship with his son, Nate. How many lines did you have to snort to make holding your family for ransom seem okay, Howard?
16. Damien Daalgard: Being in-line to be the prince of Belgium does give Damien an edge, but after starting rumors that Serena and Ben Donovan had an affair, he started to go downhill fast. Selling drugs with Jenny Humphrey doesn't help him much either.
15. William van der Bilt: Better known as "Grandfather," this manipulative old man really got to his family. He furthers his own agenda by using the members of his own family (can you say evil?). William, you're not nice and you are not nearly as good-looking as the rest of the Manhattan men, but I give you respect for the whole power-money thing you have going on.
14. Ben Donovan: Ben was the slightly odd-looking teacher who helped Serena get herself together at boarding school. After Damien started a rumor that the two were having an affair, Ben was sent to prison-- which kind of sucks considering he didn't actually do anything wrong. But other than that, he is pretty forgettable.
13. Marcus Beaton: Blair's first "royal" boyfriend. To start off, the social status of "The Lord" goes down right off the bat for sleeping with his step-mom. You just couldn't keep up with the Upper East Side, Marcus; it's okay. Maybe next time, spend a little extra time working on your fake accent so you don't slip up.
12. Tripp Vanderbilt: Tripp is Nate's hot older cousin who he constantly battled with for their grandfather's approval. The whole politician-turned-dirty plot is old, but on top of that, he almost killed Serena in a car crash. Creepy doesn't look good on you, Tripp (but don't worry, almost everything else does).
11. Carter Baizen: Carter was an extremely confusing con-artist who had a fling with both Serena and Blair. He tried to help Serena find her father, but kept her father's real location secret, telling Serena he didn't want her ending up on a Texas oil rig. I don't get it either, but at least he was cute.
10. Steven Spence: Steven and Serena had a romantic relationship even though Steven had slept with Serena's mom, Lily. Then Serena cheated with Nate who was dating Steven's daughter, Sage. This was the most screwed up love triangle (pentagon?) on the Upper East Side. In his defense, Serena was pretending to be Sabrina when they met, and maybe Serena shouldn't have gone for a dad.
9. Jack Bass: Jack Bass was the d-bag that every girl watching the show still found to be extremely attractive. His role in the show centered around his desire to take control of Bass Industries and involved a lot of scheming. His awful personality and amazing looks even out though, amirite?
8. Rufus Humphrey: Rufus ended up being a pretty good father, but mostly because he was just so clueless to everything involving the Upper East Side. He belongs in Brooklyn, it's as simple as that.
7. Louis Grimaldi: Louis gets points for being a prince-- and a good-looking one at that. In the beginning of his relationship with Blair, he seemed like 'The One'. But with a crazy mother and sister, I guess it was impossible for him to avoid the crazy gene because he went from Prince Charming to the evil villain pretty quickly.
6. Colin Forrester: A minor character, but oh-so-hot. Colin was the professor that Serena had a fling with, but who ended up leaving the show after his crazy cousin Juliet kidnapped and drugged Serena. It was hard to see you go, Colin, but nice to watch you leave.
5. Dan Humphrey: Dan only earns a spot in the top 5 because he was good in the first couple of seasons (or at least he seemed to be). By the end of the show, he was slimy, both inside and out. But in the end, he was the ultimate insider who managed to make his hold his in the crazy world of the Upper East Side. Still, wash your hair, Dan.
4. Henry Bass: Even though Chuck and Blair's son only really had 15 seconds of fame, he is adorable and that is all that matters.
3. Cyrus Rose: Cyrus was quite possibly the most adorable character in the show. Blair's stepdad was far too kindhearted for the Upper East Side, but he did his very best to keep up.
2. Nate Archibald: Nate was the cute and good-hearted guy from the very first episode. Even with his endless girl drama, he stole hearts from beginning to end. Plus, he only grew more attractive as the show went on.
1. Chuck Bass: He's Chuck Bass.
Are you a huge Gossip Girl fan? How do you rank the men of the Upper East Side? Share your list in the comments!
