This is not my first article about "Full House," but it's one worth writing (and reading). I feel the rankings are pretty accurate, but Joey and Michelle could easily be switched, depending on which episodes you're dwelling on.
10. Michelle Tanner
Some other characters might be annoying, but Michelle's straight up sadistic. She climbed onto a table and shoved everyone's cake into her mouth; she pretended to like the Counting Crows just to weasel Stephanie out of her concert ticket; she had her pick of any item in an electronics store and she picked a cardboard cutout of the owner.
However, nothing is as heinous as the time she guilted everyone into staying in the full house, instead of selling it to a rich old man for far over its market value. The only good thing I can say about her is that she was much less offensive in "Fuller House," and that's because she wasn't in it.
9. Joey Gladstone
There's really no way to describe Joey's relationship to those in the full house. He's just Danny's weird, screw-up friend who lives in their garage and doesn't pay rent. To add insult to injury, he tells terrible jokes and does a remarkably bad job at helping Danny care for his young, impressionable children. Seriously, what was he doing there? Avoiding paying his taxes?
8. Jessie Katsopolis
He's basically unoffensive until he marries Rebecca Donaldson and fails miserably at being a husband and father. He mooches off Danny until season four, when he begins draining Rebecca of her finances and sanity, while screwing up every job he ever has. I can't for the life of me figure out why Rebecca stays with him. In every argument they ever have, she is clearly right and he is clearly ridiculous. She wanted to go to Nebraska to visit her family for Christmas and he wanted to go to Graceland where Elvis is from! She deals with his abrasive family and Joey every single day! Why was this even an argument?
7. Danny Tanner
He's alright, but he enables Michelle's abhorrent behavior, so he must be reprimanded. Why did he laugh while she shoved that cake into her face? Why did he give Michelle the chance to win Stephanie's concert ticket in the name of fairness, and then tell Stephanie "life isn't fair" when she complained? Why on earth did he let her buy a cardboard cutout instead of a big screen TV?Michelle is a product of his permissive parenting, to be honest.
6. Stephanie Tanner
There's nothing really to say about Stephanie, but that's the problem. It's like the writers decided to become obsessed with Michelle after season two and didn't quite know what to do with Stephanie. They either gave her uninteresting plot lines or made her antagonistic and annoying. I feel bad for poor, forgotten, middle-child Stephanie.
5. Nicky and Alex Katsopolis
They were cute, but you can't watch a scene they're in without turning on the subtitles. And it makes no sense! They didn't just stick with the babies who played Nicky and Alex in season five, they specifically cast Dylan and Blake Tuomy-Wilhoit, knowing full well their acting capabilities. There are no excuses.
4. Derek and Teddy
Tied for fourth are the wonderful Derek and Teddy. Both are minor characters who lit up the screen and warmed our hearts. Derek uttered such classic lines as "I love these aggressive women of the '90s" and "I just can't make it through recess without a rice cake." Teddy, a recurring character from season four on, was played by the adorable Tahj Mowry and memorized his lines without having them fed to him by a baby wrangler, which is an incredible feat for a child actor in a TV sitcom. They are not lead characters, so, regrettably, I will only place that at fourth place on this list, but first place in our hearts.
3. D.J. Tanner
D.J. is one of the only characters who seems like a real human being you could meet in real life. Everyone else is abrasive with no shame, but D.J. seems to realize just how embarrassing Danny and Joey are and how shifty Stephanie is. However, she let far too much of Michelle's rude one-liners slide by, so she could only be at number three.
2. Rebecca Donaldson-Katsopolis
Rebecca is another character who seems like she could be a real person in real life. She was first used as the series' voice of reason, providing a womanly perspective when D.J. was having her first kiss or whatever and calling out the dads on their sub-par parenting. Later, she put up with Jessie's ridiculous behavior and moved into an attic in order to be closer to his family. She's really too good for him in every regard and I wish she had known that.
1. Kimmy Gibbler
Ah, the beautiful and talented Kimmy Gibbler. She consistently made fun of the other characters and dressed to impress, making her the most self-aware and charismatic character on the whole show. She wasn't quite the same hilarious and uncouth Kimmy Gibbler in "Fuller House," but nothing can taint the memory of the "Full House" Kimmy Gibbler. True "Full House" fans will never forget.
Now, I'm going to go watch some "Full House."
