We’re quickly approaching one of the best days of the year: Halloween. A holiday filled with spooks, jollies, and, most importantly, Halloween candy. Halloween candy has been the staple of the holiday since childhood, from the days of going house-to-house to giving it out to the passing kids to going out to the grocery store and buying a bag for yourself and calling it a day.
Everyone has a favorite Halloween candy, and I’ve released an unofficial ranking of the best candies and goodies you get on Halloween, from worst to best.
9. Something that’s not even food
If you’re that person who gives out plastic toys or fake fangs or –heaven forbid– floss on Halloween, please just close your door and turn out your light, because no one wants that. You think you’re being clever or novelty with your trinkets, but the people are here for candy, and here you are giving out Happy Meal toys. Thumbs down.
8. Raisins
Raisins should honestly be eradicated from the earth and never see the light of day again. They’re wrinkly, dry, and crusty, and if you give these out on Halloween you hate happiness and joy. Raisins shouldn’t be eaten at any time, let alone on Halloween.
7. Pretzels
Pretzels are only a step above raisins. They’re not candy, but at least they’re edible. Usually, there is at least one person among every friend group who loves pretzels, so congrats, lucky friend, all of the pretzels will be passed to you. Unless you’re at a party and the pretzels are covered in chocolate, pretzels are a rather disappointing Halloween snack.
6. Bubblegum
We’re getting on the right track. Bubblegum is chewy and sweet, but it’s not quite right. Getting gum on Halloween isn’t upsetting, but it is a little disappointing when you’re expecting candy.
5. Gummies shaped like body parts
Now we’re getting somewhere. What’s more in the spirit of Halloween than eating gummy candy shaped like fingers and ears? Spooky and delicious. They’re not the best-tasting treats out there, but nothing screams Halloween quite like it.
4. Fun-sized candy bars
All of your favorite candies in bite-sized pieces. Snickers, Milky Way, Baby Ruth, Kit Kat, Reese’s, and more. This is the bulk of your Halloween haul, and it’s everything you’ve ever wanted, you just wish the candies were a little bit bigger.
3. Candy corn
The only reason this isn’t higher up on the list is because some people make a fuss and scream blasphemy about candy corn. I don’t get what the big deal is, I absolutely love candy corn. It’s sweet and fun and embodies the spirit of Halloween. We always keep a bowl of it on the counter during October to stay in the spooky spirit. Of course, that bowl is always empty by the end of the day, but what can you do.
2. Something homemade at a party
It’s not candy, it’s something better. Some of the best things you get on Halloween are made from the heart. Sugar cookies shaped like a jack-o'-lantern, powdered donuts configured to look like a bleeding eyeball, gummy worms smashed up and presented as “guts” – the possibilities are only limited to your culinary imagination. Everyone’s experiences in this category are different, but if it’s a homemade baked good, sign me up, it’s gonna be delicious.
1. King-sized candy bars
The cream of the crop. The belle of the ball. These are so rare on Halloween that there are only stories and rumors of their existence somewhere in your neighborhood. Only the best houses give them away, if at all, and you have to find them quick before they’re all gone. King-sized candies on Halloween are like buried treasure, or a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Only a selected few are able to get them, and if you do, it’s a story you tell your friends for the rest of your life. For the awesomeness and the rarity, king-sized candy bars take the top of the list.
No matter what your favorite or what you end up having on Halloween, all that really matters is having fun and getting into the spooky Halloween spirit. Boo!
