Let me save you some time, if you clicked on this article expecting to read a crazy hook up story then you are going to be disappointed.
This is a story of how everyone you meet in life can play some role even when you don't expect it. Sometimes it is so easy to ask why that we forget to ask why not as we navigate the trials and tribulations of life. We get caught up with the checking of boxes that we forget to enjoy the journey.
Over a year ago my off again, on again girlfriend and I broke up on the brink of engagement. It was a messy breakup that left no hope for reconciliation even after my repeated attempts (I was that guy). In the year that followed, there were many times where I felt as if I was over her and there were other girls who came along.
We would talk for a few weeks and maybe, on occasion, even hang out. However, I found myself being distant and not able to put forth the extra effort to put them first. I would quickly become bored or find a reason to move on. I would show little interest in hanging out unless it was one hundred percent convenient for me and I cared little about their days. When they inevitably became mad at me, I was indifferent to the situation.
This was all new to me as I have always been a hopeless romantic (Think Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother). I was always the guy who would put in his all. Usually, I would find myself anticipating hearing about their day, learning about their family or just going the extra mile to make them happy. I would want to spend as much time with them as possible and be quick to hold open doors, buy flowers and all the little things like that. It became easy for me to pick apart the reasons why woman after woman would not be my one. I had begun to believe that the hopeless romantic in me had been replaced by a cynic.
Earlier this summer, a friend introduced me to a girl at an outdoor party. We talked and not long after we began following each other on Instagram and then Snapchatting (The fact that Snapchatting is now a verb blows my mind). I was struck by how easy she was to talk to and how many of the same interests we shared.
I told myself that there would be no expectations of a future or anything beyond getting to know one another. I found myself quick to compliment her and instead of becoming bored with her or annoyed with the rigors of texting all day, I found myself looking forward to the next correspondence. I savored the awe's which she would send in reply to my good morning texts. I no longer hoped to see a different name appear on my phone.
A lot can happen as we navigate the next few months of summer, so who knows what the future will hold for us beyond a friendship. Like many summer romantic interests, they can be as fleeting as the Michigan sunshine, as many people return to their hometowns. But her role in my life has already served a purpose as it has shown me that I do still have a desire to put someone before myself emotionally and that there are women out there deserving of that treatment beyond just my ex. Her laid-back personality and disarming smile awoke a part of me that I thought was lost for good. Showing me that I am still capable of that form of emotion is exactly what I needed at that time.
Not every person you meet is going to be the one you marry. In fact, if you are lucky just one person will be that one. But sometimes you just have to turn your brain off from the reasons why not and look for the reasons why. It's okay to find someone who you enjoy their company and conversation. Get lost in someone's smile, melt at the sound of a laugh and just be present.
During our college years, so much of life is structured by classes, studying, and when we are expected to graduate. Much of the college experience is learning who you are but also who you enjoy being around. Take some time away from the structure and just live to enjoy a moment with someone. While chances are that they won't be your forever one, they could still play a role in helping you grow.
