Earlier this week I turned the radio on in my car as I embarked on my drive to work and was met by the shrieks and cackles of Top 40 Radio DJs as they made hollow jokes about the "news" that was Taylor Swift's breakup with Calvin Harris.
"Looks like she'll have to write another album!" snorted a female voice that sounded as if she had been smoking a pack of cigarettes a day since they were invented. Her male co-host guffawed and assured their audience that they would be back with more original commentary and entertaining content after they played some of today's top hits.
"We'll be back in a few--whether you like it or not."
At this point I turned off the radio and plugged in my AUX cord to play my own music off of my phone.
Radio is a rapidly dying industry, which is kind of a bummer because listening to the radio can be a great way to learn about new artists or about fun events happening in your area. However, all of the benefits of radio are outweighed by the fact that listening to the radio is an absolutely garbage experience.
For example, here is a tragic tale that takes place during the days before my car had an AUX cord that allows me to completely curate my in-car entertainment experience. I was driving home from a friend's house one evening during a sudden torrential downpour. Surfing through the stations that I had programmed on my car radio, I found that every station was playing "Mirrors" by Justin Timberlake. Five stations. As I threw my head back in despair, my driver's side window collapsed and I proceeded to get absolutely drenched as I drove the thirty minutes back to my house frantically attempting to navigate away from that godforsaken song.
Based on solely on what has been played on major radio stations in my area, I would guess that only three songs have been released since last summer and they are all by Justin Bieber. The lack of variety on popular radio stations defeats the purpose of the platform as being a productive venue in which one can be introduced to new music.
Also, radio edits of songs make me incredibly uncomfortable. I'd rather not listen to G-Eazy's "Me, Myself, and I" than listen to a rap verse containing only 75% of its intended lyrics. And why is the word "drugs" being edited out of songs? I'll never understand the logic behind letting wildly problematic lyrics enter the airwaves while attempting to preserve the innocence of listeners by scratching over some profanity and apparently random nouns.
And when did radio stations start editing in synth drum beats underneath acoustic tracks? Every time I hear James Bay's "Let It Go," or any Ed Sheeran song with a stock drum-beat shoved underneath the original track, a part of me dies. Who signed off on this? What demographic was trying to turn up to "Thinking Out Loud" and demanded that the market produce these truly horrific so-called remixes? If culture wasn't already dead, radio stations that bastardize otherwise non-offensive tracks with GarageBand rhythm loops put the final nail in the coffin.
Finally, Top 40 Radio DJs are probably the worst human beings in existence. Radio DJs are in a position to curate great music, promote cool events, and entertain their audiences. More often than not, their pointless banter and gravelly laughter at their own terrible jokes makes me want to smash my car into the nearest tree. Some, I assume, are good people, but I tend to believe that these DJs are responsible for the garbage nature of the radio listening experience.
May pop-radio die an expedient death. Long live AUX cords.
