Last year I was hired for my college dream job of being a Resident Advisor (RA). Now that I’ve been an RA for almost a year, I can tell you that there certainly have been plenty of memorable experiences.

For many first-time college freshmen, worries of what it’s like having an RA might run through their mind before their first year of school, and even during it. “Who is this person in charge of looking after me and my floormates?” “are they strict?” “will/do they like me?” or “what do they think?” Well, after being an RA for a year, I can tell you that there’s a lot that goes through our minds.

Some of what we “think” might be what you expect, but I can guarantee that a lot of it isn’t:

1. "Will they like me?"

While you may be wondering whether your RA likes you, keep in mind that we are wondering the same thing. Most of us RAs are young students just like you, and we are also human, just like you, so we too wonder whether our residents like us. We wonder this before move-in day, while we’re prepping the dorm for new residents, during the first few weeks of school, while we’re still getting to know you, throughout the year as we’re interacting with you, and yes, even while we are writing you up for that bong that “mysteriously found its way into your room and caused the room to smell like weed.”

The truth is we really enjoy having good relationships with you all because honestly, that’s what makes the job great, so we wanna like you, and hopefully, you wanna like us too.

2. Conduct is so awkward.

On numerous TV shows about college, you see the RAs depicted as the bad guys, the cops that are out to get you and get a power trip out of writing you up. While I do have to admit that sometimes there are RAs like this (as in any position of authority), for the most part, nothing is further from the truth. Most of us actually really don’t like doing conduct and writing you up, and we think it’s awkward and uncomfortable. A lot of us even got into the same shenanigans our freshman year, so we feel especially bad for being in a position where we have to write you up.

Most of us actually took to the job because we want to support you, be there for you, and help you grow, not to write you up. However, it is part of the job, and sometimes supporting you and helping you grow does involve dealing with conduct. Nonetheless, it is not something we wanna do.

3. "Why are they trash talking me?"

While most of my residents have actually been really cool and fun to get along with. I have a few that I’m not on the best terms with, unfortunately, which is something that happens. While I, as an RA, still smile and say hi when I see them. Even though I would do everything I can to support them when needed, the relationship is a bit awkward and strained. If and when you trash talk your RA, don’t do it right in front of their door, and don’t criticize their door tags in front of their door. Considering the fronts of our doors lead to our rooms, there’s a good chance we might be behind those doors. We might be able to hear everything you say, and it can be kinda hurtful and disheartening especially after going out of your way to make your door tags!

The truth is, whether or not you like your RA, they do work hard and they do what they can to build the community so have some respect for them! If you do decide to trash talk them, be more discreet about it.

4. "Do they realize I can hear them?"

This point is quite similar to the last one, but it is a bit different. As I mentioned earlier, RAs do live in their rooms so when you loudly talk about the “huge blunt” you smoked last night, and about how you “invited” your dealer over, there’s a good chance I might hear you. Not only is it awkward for me to hear, but it means that I have to talk to you about it as per my contract.

Please, when you talk about doing illegal shit in the dorms, make sure that you don’t do it where the RA can hear you.

5. "I’m so stressed right now!"

In addition to being RAs, we are also college students. In fact, you could say that we’re students first and RAs second (shocking right?). So in addition to hosting community building events, making sure everyone is safe and supported, and being on-call, we have schoolwork and classes we have to prep for. Especially as we enter our upperclassman years, we have more and more work to do.

Being an RA and student does require some thoughtful planning and careful balancing. In order for us to be able to do our jobs and be good students. Even so, it can be stressful, especially during finals week. Due to having a lot of work to do in regards to getting ready to close the building and prepping for our finals.

6. We can smell it.

We really don’t care if you smoke weed, most of us do so ourselves, so we don’t really judge in that regard. What we do care about is when you smoke weed so inconspicuously in the dorm because then we can't smell it, and when we can smell it, we have to act. Which, as mentioned before, can be awkward.

Rather what most RAs would suggest is that you go off campus and do it safely. There are two main reasons I can give you for why you really shouldn’t smoke weed in the dorms: First off, it smells, and that smell bothers not only your RA, but it could bother other community members. Additionally, some people can’t be near any smoke or the smell due to conditions such as some types of asthma. Smoking weed in the dorms is kinda disrespectful towards your community.

Second, marijuana is illegal in most states. In states where it is legal (such as my home state of Washington), it is only legal to those who are 21 and up, which usually isn’t the age of freshman in dorms. Additionally, while weed is legal in Washington on a state level it is still illegal on a federal level, and as my school gets funding from the federal government, marijuana is illegal on my campus regardless of age. Moral of the story is you should just go off campus.

7. These guys are actually pretty cool.

While there are always situations where some residents disagree with the RAs and vice versa, for the most part, we actually tend to like a lot of our residents as the year goes on. As we get to know you from interacting with you in the halls or having one on ones with you, we build a strong rapport and sometimes even end up becoming good friends.

As we learn about you and you learn about us, we begin to see a bit of our old freshman selves in you. At the end of the day talking to you and saying hi can put a smile on our faces.

8. "I feel really good right now!"

As RAs we act as first responders in a variety of situations. There will come a time when something happens and you might need immediate help and/or support, and we will do our best to be there for you. After all, most of us have taken this job because we want to help others. Let me tell you there is nothing like helping a person in need and realizing that you really have helped them in an important way.

There’s this strong feeling of immense pride and joy that arises out of knowing that YOU did something that someone really needed. That’s one of the best parts of this job.

9. "I’m gonna miss this!"

Even with all the shenanigans and tomfoolery that residents can get into, by the time the end of the year rolls around, there’s a realization by the RA that the year is coming to a close and that in a few months things will be different. The truth is that even through thick and thin, there was a community of residents, with an RA that led those residents. Most of those residents and the RA have grown exponentially throughout the year.

As the year comes to a close, as an RA, I will miss my residents. The good times and the bad. I’m happy for all the growth that has occurred but sad that the year is coming to a close. I will be sad that my residents are leaving, and moving onto greener pastures. It’s kinda like an empty nest syndrome of sorts.

10. It was worth it.

As mentioned earlier, many RAs took the job for the sake of building community and helping/supporting others. Regardless of all the difficult times, all the shenanigans, and all the annoying write-ups, the truth is we were able to do what we set out to do, to help and support others. Looking back on the year and seeing how, as an RA, YOUR work has impacted others, well, that makes it all worth it.