Every group of female friends have had this conversation. They have assigned the roles: who is a Carrie, a Samantha, a Charlotte, and a Miranda? Next time you find yourself fighting to be a Carrie: You are a Miranda. Vogue or dinner? Shoes or a house? I thought so -- realistic, honest, supportive, and absolutely not putting up with anyone’s crap. Miranda.

1. "I am never going to be happy. It's just not going to happen for me."

When Starbucks sells out of brownies the same day you fail a quiz and it's just too much.

2. "I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it."

When you feel like the HBIC you know you are.

3. "The least he could do is wait to get to know me before he rejects me!"

When that really cute guy never swipes right.

4. "He's just not that into you. So move on."

When you lose your patience after your friend won't stop obsessing over some jerk who is no good for her and never will be (cough cough, Mr. Big).

5. "Last night, Steve and I held hands for an hour and a half watching the fire. He was looking into my eyes, I was looking for the remote."

When you decide romance and intimacy are dead, so you might as well catch up on "The Bachelor."

6. "And by the way, never never call me again. Have a nice day.

When you meet people who say they're voting for Donald Trump.

7. "You know what used to make me feel better? Cookies."

Two words: finals week.

8. "She was a lawyer. He was a sandwich."

When you plan in your head how you'll tell your friends about your latest meet-cute.

9. "I can't believe that a guy would think that I was sexy."

When you're recapping an intense date with your best friend.

10. "Jesus, every time you get near him you turn into this pathetic, needy, insecure victim and the thing that pisses me off the most? That you're more than willing to go right back for more."

11. "We loved, thank you. You enriched my life, now go prosper. But I'm more: We didn't work out. You need to not exist."

The only appropriate response to a text from an ex.

12. "You see, this is why I don't date. The men out there are freaks."

Yup.