As the new school year begins, many of us are reunited with friends that we haven’t seen since last semester. Although the summer months likely held many new adventures and experiences, we only ask the broad question of “how was your summer?” Unfortunately, most people simply reply with one sentence. In order to get to the heart of the moments that set the tone for the summer, we need to start asking different questions. Settle in and get ready. Here are a few ideas to spark meaningful conversations.
What was your favorite memory from this summer?
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This question will give you the highlight of the summer. Asking for a memory provides a snapshot of the moment that mattered to your friend. Likewise, you will get to hear a story told with excitement. Whether your friend recounts their experience of playing with children on a mission trip, to standing at the top of a mountain that they hiked, they will be excited to talk about it. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing the passion in someone’s eyes as they describe something that brought them joy.
What was the hardest thing about your summer?
This question will give deeper insight into the experience of the summer. While the highlights and the fun times might have popped up on Facebook, chances are that the really hard stuff isn’t the first thing shared. Asking about the hard things will encourage honesty about the things that sucked too. From this honesty a deeper level of friendship will be established going forward.
What did you learn over the summer?
This question really gets to the heart of the matter. Most of us are less interested in the activities and more interested in how the activity affected our friend. Asking someone what they learned opens up the door to hear what has changed their life and how they are different as a result of what they did. For many, this will also be an opportunity to share how their summer impacted their walk with Christ. Summers are often a time to take mission trips. Those experiences often permanently change perspectives. Ask about it.
How did you feel about that? (a follow-up question)
Perhaps one of my favorite questions these days. Someone can recount their summer from a logical place and leave out their feelings, “Oh, I went on a vacation with my family and we got to see the Eiffel Tower.” Asking how they felt about it will open up the emotional side as well. Maybe they loved the Eiffel Tower, maybe they hated being with their family. You won’t know until you ask. There’s deeper emotion behind every logically answered question.
So there you have it. Questions to bring real conversation about how everyone’s summer was. While you won’t have time to ask everyone, making things more specific will bring a deeper understanding of your friend and their summer. They’ll appreciate the opportunity to share what really matters. You’ll gain a deeper connection, and that’s what it’s all about.
