With the divorce rate in the U.S. being between 40-50%, it can be daunting when it comes to deciding if the one you are with is really THE one.
While tough conversations are easier to avoid than confront, you are only doing yourself and your partner an injustice of knowing whether or not you two are meant to spend forever together.
Don't accept a proposal or dream of wedding bells ringing until you've asked your significant other these 15 make or break questions. You'll thank yourself in the long run.
1. What’s the one thing you find the most attractive about me as a person, and the least attractive?
If you can't have an honest conversation with each other on both good and bad subjects without it turning into a fight, the depth of your understanding and affection towards each other will only be able to go so far. Also, if you don't want to change for the better for your partner, then is it really true love?
2. Do you envision signing a prenuptial agreement when you get married?
Prenups can definitely be a make or break for any couple. Some view the arrangement as a safety net in case their marriage should fail; however, others view it as their partner not having confidence in their relationship. If you do not see eye to eye on whether or not to have a prenup, you need to come to an agreement before you really start envisioning any kind of married life with that person.
3. What do you like, and what do you dislike about my parents?
The idea of in-laws can be a touchy subject for some couples. It is important to sit down with your partner to discuss what you both like and what you both dislike about each other's parents. If further conversations need to be had involving the family members, then so be it. After all, when you marry your partner, their family becomes your family.
4. How do you want to spend holidays?
Some couples imagine spending the holidays alone together and then going to visit family afterwards, and some want to spend the actual days with their families. But don't forget two families will be involved. If you do want to spend the holidays with family, how do you intend on making it fair?
5. What are your political beliefs?
While some people are very open about their political opinions, others try to avoid the subject. When it comes to making a lifelong commitment with someone, you need to make sure you are on the same page as that person since political beliefs are closely connected to personal values and morals. If your beliefs don't align, what will you be willing to do to make your relationship work?
6. How big of a role does religion/spirituality play in your life?
Just like political beliefs, not seeing eye-to-eye on religion/spirituality could mean a potential end to your relationship. Do you go to church? Do you want your partner to participate in religious events with you? Is it important for you two to pray together? Do you want to get married in a church?
7. What are your thoughts on having children?
Whoa, you're not ready to think about that yet. Unfortunately, it's time to start thinking about if you imagine your life with children or not. If your partner is adamant about not wanting to have kids, but having kids has always been a dream of yours, this could definitely be a subject you need to figure out with your partner before he puts a ring on it.
8. What pets, if any, do you want in the future?
Similar to the subject of kids, if you always imagined living your adult life under a mountain of furry friends, but your partner hates the thought of allowing an animal into the house, this could definitely be a make or break for some. Make sure you have discussed your vision of your future in its entirety with your partner before you promise yourselves to each other.
9. What is your view on contraception?
If you're all about protecting yourself from an unwanted pregnancy, but your partner doesn't believe in contraception, this could be a huge point of contention in your relationship. You need to know that your partner will be on the same page as you for any big decisions that may ultimately change both of your lives forever.
10. What do you feel when you think of the word “jealousy?”
Jealousy can sound like a toxic trait to have in a relationship to some people, while others don't mind it or even think it's a welcomed reminder that their partner loves them. However, if your feelings toward jealousy differ from those of your partner, it could create endless fights and issues such as not seeing eye-to-eye on having opposite sex friends, what is considered appropriate to do with friends, etc.
11. Who will be in charge of the finances?
Did you always imagine you and your partner would both share the responsibility? Or did you want to have that role assigned to you, or to your partner? With money being one of the top reasons marriages end in divorce, it's time to start discussing what your financial expectations and lifelong goals are.
12. Where do you see yourself living in the future?
If you always want to be close to home, but your partner wants to explore living on the other side of the country, or even world, your visions of the future aren't compatible.
13. Do you want your own social life, or do you want us to be a package deal?
Is it important for you to have your own friends, or do the two of you want to do everything together? If you don't agree on what you want when it comes to a social life, it can quickly turn into an issue of resentment.
14. Is blood thicker than water, or is love thicker than blood?
Are you going to be each other's priority through thick and thin, or does someone else hold that place in your heart?
15. Is there anything you wouldn’t be willing to compromise on for us?
Relationships mean sacrifice. Are both of you willing to give up things you love or dreamed of in order to be together?
Let these questions be the start of even more conversations between you and your significant other to ensure you two are ready to promise yourselves to each other forever.
