1. Meet any nice guys?

Yes [mom/grandma/aunt], but no, I am not dating them.

2. Did you miss [me/your brother/your aunt/your long lost cousin/etc.]?

Yes, I did miss you, but not as much as you’re hoping I did. I’ll exaggerate it anyway, especially for the cousin that I only met once during that one reunion when I was seven.

3. Were you homesick?

The same type of leading question as above; bring on the exaggeration.

4. How are classes?

Classes are great, but I’m on fall break and would rather not talk about them right now. It’s called break for a reason.

5. Do you have any homework?

Don’t remind me.

6. Are your roommates nice?

This question is really just an opening for someone to vent about their roommates and in many cases, it probably helps. In my case, I just share how much I love them. Shoutout to my roomies for being the best <3

7. Did you clean your room?

I can’t believe this is something you needed to ask.

8. When was the last time you changed your sheets?

When was the last time you changed your sheets, huh?

9. You don’t go to parties, do you?

“I am a perfect angel and would never do such a thing,” I say as I have flashbacks to last weekend. (sidenote: I didn’t actually do anything crazy last weekend)

10. Are you getting enough sleep?

You can’t tell from the bags under my eyes?

11. Your pants look a little tight; are you eating right?

They serve five meals a day and we have dessert with all of them. You’re lucky I’m not asking you to buy me new pants.

12. Do you want some more [insert favorite but completely unhealthy food here]?

This question is typically expressed directly after the question above. Ironic.

13. Are you upset that you have to go back?

Yesssssss of course I am. (inside: noooooo I’m really not.)

14. When will you be back?

This is the nicest question on the list. It’s nice being wanted.

15. Did I ask you if you had a boyfriend?

Only about five hundred times even though the answer is not going to change this week. I am an independent woman who don't need no man.