Many of us were raised to believe that gender is binary, and that you could either be gay or straight (or bi, but many people made it seem like being bisexual was just "attention-seeking" or just not wanting to come out as completely gay). But today we are seeing more people openly discuss the topic of identity, and how it isn't always easy to find yourself perfectly fitting in with what you believed you were supposed to be. The older you get, the more time you spend on self-reflection, you may begin to question or develop your identity to something that feels more true. And it's confusing. Not all of these things may apply to everyone, or in this order. Either way, it's a natural journey.
Disclaimer: This list is in no way a guideline or handbook. These are just common experiences people go through when finding themselves. Your identity is all about what YOU like.
1. Realizing your habits/mannerisms have been more masculine or feminine.
Whether you were a boy who likes dolls or a girl who likes dirt, you begin to realize that gender roles are absurd and unnecessary.
2. Breaking the way you view gender and gender roles.
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You definitely have to re-train your brain a bit, the difficulty of doing so varies from person to person. Basically, you start to accept gender as a spectrum, and anyone can do whatever they want with their identity and interests.
3. Dressing differently.
Maybe you wear more dresses, maybe you cut your hair short. You start to experiment with shopping in the other departments of stores and evolving the way you present yourself.
4. Having a crush on someone of a gender you didn't know you were attracted to.
What's that feeling? Butterflies? How do I explore this??
5. Talking to people who have transitioned or are transitioning. (helps to talk to people more experienced in the matter / get advice)
Just like anything else, if you're new to it, talk to someone with more knowledge on the matter! Learn from those who are a few steps ahead of you, and you'll feel better about where you're going.
6. Wondering how far you are from your own true identity.
After learning about other people's experiences, suddenly there's all these possible directions you can go but you have no idea where you're going.
7. Anxiety.
It becomes overwhelming almost, like you're scatterbrained and don't know who you are. Don't freak out! This isn't something you can force or rush, just take time for introspection and get advice, you'll find your preferences.
8. Letting close ones know about your realization.
Your close friends will offer love and support, and that'll take a lot of weight off your shoulders.
9. Trying different pronouns or a new name.
And the struggle of constantly correcting people (that's okay though -- this is something that further affirms your identity).
10. Going to LGBTQ+ friendly scenes.
11. Learning who in your life accepts the new identity or ongoing change versus those who don't.
12. Physical transitioning (if you decide that's what you want to do).
It's okay to want to change your body to better suit who you are. And it's okay to choose not to. Being comfortable in your skin is important, and the choice is yours and yours alone.
13. Being comfortable with yourself.
Ahhh, breathe in that fresh air! You become more confident with who you are and that positivity will just radiate. You're you!
