There comes a point in time in everyone's life where you evaluate your decisions and wonder "Did I make the right choice?" You think about all the adventures with friends you have experienced that a smile can't help but grace your face. You might remember the times where you and your friends did something completely stupid or the difficult times where you may have felt completely alone. From my experience, I have realized that I always look for something to fill the hole, you know the little hole inside yourself that nothing worldly can fill. For some reason I have always turns towards God as a last result in hope he can fill the void. When it should be the opposite. I am sure there are other people who are guilty of this too, but I want to ask a simple question: are you truly and actively pursuing God or are you just knowing God?
There is a HUGE difference between the two yet it can be overlooked or go unnoticed. You can go for years with thinking that you pursue God in every aspect of your life but when you take the time to evaluate your life then things may start to not align with Gods'. I know for me, when I asked myself that question I was extremely convicted and still convicted to this day. Anyone can go through life acting like they know Jesus just by saying a few facts about this or that, but they don't actually KNOW Him. You only give God true attention when it is best for you, when things are going terribly wrong; you think that if you simply "pray it away" that he will fix your ever problem and need. I believe deep down inside you know you need a better relationship with Christ, yet you continue to keep spitting out facts to make you feel there is a meaningful connection with him.
Well honey, that just ain't going to work out. God will continue to pursue you and he will slowly break you, making you realize that you have to give everything to him so you can have a true relationship with him. When you realize this revelation and actually getting to know Christ then he will start to reveal all his wonders to you. I know for me I am extremely stubborn and being completely vulnerable is terrifying but I rather be vulnerable with him then anyone else.