This past year I've been struggling with something, well more of a question that many Christians struggle with today, and that was " Am I really Saved?" The reason I asked myself this was because even though I went to church occasionally, read my bible occasionally, and was never baptized I felt like I didn't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I usually only prayed because something bad was happening and needed some type of comfort, but don't get me wrong if anybody asked if anyone in the room believed in God I would be the first to raise my hand but deep down in my heart did I really know God? Did I have a personal relationship with my savior? Was I living for God? Was I really Born Again? The answer was simple and I wasn't.

The wording of being a Born Again Christian is first talked about by Jesus in John 3:3 where he says "I tell you the truth, unless you are born again you cannot see the Kingdom of God." Though it may sound like Jesus is saying to actually be born again, he is not talking about being reborn from your biological mother; what Jesus was saying was clarified in John 3:5 where he states, "I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit." That passage clarifies things a lot it simply means to baptized (born of the water) and to have a spiritual rebirth where you're able to walk to in the newness of life (born of the spirit).

You see the thing about me was I believed I was a follower of Christ because I confessed that Jesus Christ was my lord and savior but that's where I was wrong and was lying to myself. Within the Bible Romans10:9 states "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." but here's the plot twist Jesus also states in Matthew 15:8 "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." and John 14:23 " All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them." The funny part is that's exactly what I wasn't doing! I was honoring Jesus with my mouth but my life was not reflecting that I even knew him. I was saying I love God with all my heart, but I was still sinning willfully every day with no acknowledgment of why Christ came to earth and died for my sins in the first place.

I was what you would call in today's society a " Lukewarm" or a "Comfortable" Christian, I knew Jesus died for my sins but I was living like he didn't. I was living my life to please my flesh, not Jesus. I would sin and feel no type of conviction, sadness, remorse, none of that. I would just say a quick " God please forgive me," if I even remembered to even say that at times and kept going about my day. I was trampling on the blood of Jesus Christ and I didn't even know. How could I claim to love someone and not even prove I love them. Better yet, how could I even proclaim the name of Jesus and not have faith.

That's when I started feeling deep conviction within my spirit, Jesus clearly states in James 4:4 "Don't you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God." I was a friend of the world and I loved everything in it! From the explicit rap culture, partying, lying, lust, cussing, to me creating an idol out of money. I knew I needed to change but I loved my sin more than I loved my creator, I didn't want to believe it then but the more I look back the more I realize it was true.

Every-time I saw people my age who were Born Again and were living for Christ I noticed how happy they were and how their works reflected their faith in Jesus Christ. I was calling myself a Christian but was still a slave to sin, anxiety, depression, anger, lust, and envy. 1 Peter 5:7 states "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you," and I wasn't casting all my problems upon the lord. I knew deep down I had to get right with God before it was too late, so that's when I started reading my bible deeply and daily to find out what I must do to become a true Christian and walk the true Christian walk with Christ Jesus.

After much prayer and contemplation I was led to Matthew 16:24 where Jesus said " "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me." After reading this verse I knew if I was going to follow Jesus I had to follow him fully and not partially. This is when the holy spirit convicted me and I decided to go to church the following Sunday of the week, and coincidentally what the pastor was preaching about was " Are You Born Again?" I don't think God could've been any clearer on what he wanted me to do with my life.

After hearing this preaching I followed exactly what my pastor preached about, and was baptized the next Sunday and received the Holy Spirit. Since this happened don't let this fool you into thinking my life became peaches because I had to get accustomed to following Jesus, and forsaking what my flesh wants to do, and that's not always easy as it may sound.

According to Ephesians 6:12 which states "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Every day is a constant fight between me crucifying my flesh, and aiming to do the will of Christ every day. Whenever I sin even if it's a little exaggeration lie I feel convicted by the holy spirit to apologize to that person, and I immediately repent of that sin to Christ. I don't love my sin anymore, but now it completely disgusts me.

I am not saying I am perfect or better than anyone, I'm just acknowledging that I've been saved from my sin and eternal damnation by the grace of Jesus Christ who shed his blood so I may be free! I look forward to waking up and aiming to be Christ-like throughout the day. Yes, I do fail every day! I am not perfect because I'm still in this fleshly body but I no longer sin willingly, I move in the direction the spirit leads me to go into not my flesh. For the bible says in Roman 9:11 " The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you."

Though as a Christian we mess up daily, we don't live in sin nor dwell in our sin. We get back up and continue going forward, for scripture says in Proverbs 24:16 " The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked." As Christians, we have to keep moving forward and to not fall into temptation because the pleasures of this world cannot compare to eternal pleasures that the Lord promises to us.

Since I started my walk with Christ I lost a few friends and had to even get off of many of the social media platforms that I was on in order for me to focus on Christ. I use to love partying, lusting after women, listening to explicit rap music, drinking alcohol, lying, and even idolizing money but I know I had to let go of those desires to follow Christ. Though these sinful desires may still arise it's on me as a Christian to flee temptation but if I ever fall into temptation I get up and continue to chase after righteousness.

Though standing for the Christian faith isn't something popular to do, I'm here to say be proud to call yourself a Christian and to live differently from the world. There's joy in Jesus Christ and there will be a day when we can no longer take a stand for God. For all believers who claim to love Jesus but don't live for him daily, I encourage you to evaluate yourselves and get your hearts right with God before it's too late. It's time we have a true repentance and lives for Christ because we will soon all stand before a holy God for judgment.