As some background story, it's no secret that I am biracial. My mother is white and Hispanic. Though my mother is "mixed," she is white passing. Also as a woman that has spent a majority of her life in the south, she had embraced the south baptist religious culture. This means that I grew up as one of the few brown kids in a predominately white church. I was very religious growing up. Until I went to college, that is.
I was on my own in college. I was able to do what I want and think on my own. I was able to be my own person. I met queer people and was exposed to different experiences. It was eye-opening for me and helped me open up. It helped me accept myself as a bisexual woman. Through college, I also became more of an activist for people of color, like me. It might not have been in a big way, but it was something.
Coming back home from college obviously proved challenging. I was a very different person then the person that left. I was more educated on matters that my mom probably never thought twice about. Every time I'd visit, we would fight about some opposing view we had. One specific fight was on why black history month and pride month were so important. She didn't understand why we had those, but why it wasn't okay to have a "white pride" month. I was shocked and disappointed. After a lot of arguing, I decided that she just wouldn't understand and I couldn't force her to.
After I lost my teeth, my mom started pushing her religious beliefs on me. She and her boyfriend, now husband, would tell me that God has a plan for me. This is after I told her that I didn't believe in God and didn't want anything to do with religion. My mother would tell me how this happened because I strayed away from God and lost my faith. It hurt to have someone that was so close to me keep pushing something I made clear I was uncomfortable with. Though it taught me a lesson. That being sometimes you can't get people to understand you and you can't make them. You can tell some people your beliefs and you can spread a message to people but that's all you can do.
In this situation, I had to realize that I couldn't talk about these things with my mother anymore. I couldn't tell her any more than I already did because it would go nowhere. Some people just don't want to listen and are bent on making you believe what they do. So I keep it civil now. I don't talk about the things that are hard to talk about. It sucks, but it's all I can do.
