Here we go again.

After a long journey from New Hampshire, I have returned “home” to Utah. The trip was full of songs of nostalgia, bringing back moments of happiness and misery, victory and defeat. As I got closer to the city, I began to notice that unlike the past couple of years, I would now to have to focus on who I was, and who I wanted to become.

Sure, you are supposed to choose where you want to go for college and what your major is by senior year in high school, but for me, the key factor was location. I would flip flop from major to major each and every single week, and when I would find a field that suited me, I would be told by my elders and mentors to change it. As each week passed by, I became more and more uncertain of what I wanted to become. Eventually, my choice of school was based on location, and what it could do for me. Utah was an ideal choice, not only due to the outdoors that surrounded Salt Lake City, but also how it was becoming one of the fastest growing states in the nation.

To be completely frank, I didn’t exactly figure out my life path in my first year of school. I had a very rocky start, as I struggled to meet people and create friendships. Most of my nights were spent alone, reminiscing over the good old days at Proctor. It also didn’t help that I was getting my heart broken from a girl back home, whose wounds are still fresh and painful. All of this altered my attention from where I should have been focusing: What the fuck do I want to do with my life?

Some, but not all, of those questions have been answered during my spring term. I got a job at a ski mountain, made a solid group of friends, and finally chose a major: International Business. In all honesty though, the move was because it was a broad major, as I still have no idea of where my future path lies. While this was happening, I lost touch with many of my friends back home, which made my life all the more confusing. And to top it all off, my job took its toll on me, as I would have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning. I needed a break, which meant coming back to New Hampshire. I was able to find a few jobs that would improve my resume, saw family for the first time in months, and got to rekindle some friendships. I went with friends and family to sports matches, parties, and functions. It let me begin to look towards that next step I needed to take.

So what now? For one, it is important for me to find a career path. It will involve a lot of research on my part on which fields in the major that I am currently in interest me, and if theres none that do, I would hypothetically go back to step one. What fun! This means I will have to look deeper into finding more jobs and internships over the next year or so that will extend my experience and skills. Sounds easy right? Not exactly. For one, I have a class schedule that will require a lot of time and effort, along with a part time job. Along with this, I have questions of if I should even stay here. Do I even like Utah? I mean, other than skiing in the winter, I grow weary of its desert like conditions. At some points, I even feel like a ski bum who is just being a part time student. And what if Trump wins? If he did, I would be ashamed and embarrassed to be an American, and I would want to escape the non stop coverage of him. I fear that our country would become much different than the one I grew up in, one that would openly discriminate and harass minorities. On top of this, my mental state is not great, as I have been heartbroken throughout the past couple of years. These issues divert my attention away from where I want to be five years from now. Right now, I think there is one major key to my sophomore year: Finding Myself.