Being a young adult, we're exposed to so many different types of people. There are people that you mesh well with, people that you don't get along with, and people that you, quite frankly, don't pay any attention to. For some people, it's easy for them to get along with everyone they come across. For others, like myself, it's hard to develop true friendships with the people around them. It's not that there's a major flaw in their character; it's just that they put the genuineness of their friendships before anything else. There are some major pros and cons to focusing strictly on the genuineness of friendships over the quantity of friends, and there are many more cons than pros. However, the pros outweigh the cons by a landslide, and deciding to put myself before my friendships is the best decision I could have ever made in my college career.
When I say that I decided to put myself before my friendships, it sounds insensitive and selfish. My intentions aren't to be insensitive, or even selfish, but sometimes being "selfish" is the most important thing you can do for yourself -- especially at this time in our lives.
When I made this decision, I didn't cut my friends off cold turkey. I sat myself down and thought deeply about the type of friends I wanted to surround myself with. Like they always say, you are who you hangout with; sometimes distancing yourself is the only thing you can do to grow mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I decided that I wanted to spend time with people who truly cared for me -- people who love me the way that I love them. This was the most critical part of my decision, because when I have a close friend, I put all of my energy into that friendship, because that's what they deserve. I care about their future, and I care about their present -- which is why I try so hard to push my friends to be the people they were made to be. It's hard, because when you care so much, you expect that type of friendship in return; you expect them to cherish the friendship the way that you do.
I decided I wanted to surround myself with people who were OK with just staying inside and hanging out, because I've learned that partying all the time only sets you back in your track to a successful future. I decided that I didn't want to be around people who would talk smack one minute, then go out with those same people the next. I wanted friends that would call me out on the mistakes I made, and try to push me to grow from them. Honestly, when it comes down to it, I just wanted to be around people who had the same goals as me. I decided that what I was asking for wasn't too much, in fact, it's what I deserved.
So, I did what I had to do and I started to put my decision into action. Like I said, I didn't cut my friends off cold turkey. The truth is, some friends I didn't want to let go of. So, I tried the hardest I could to try and fix what was hurting our friendship. However, by doing this, I realized that people aren't going to change for your friendship unless they really, truly, genuinely care for you. It took me a couple months to get over, and sometimes I still miss the friendships I used to have with people, but I just have to remind myself that if they wanted to be in my life, they wouldn't have let me walk away so easily -- they would have fought for our friendships the way that I did.
I decided to put myself first, because if someone really wants to be in your life, they will make an effort. If they don't, maybe the friendship wasn't what you thought it would be. I chose to put my feelings and my goals before my friendships, because if I didn't, I'd still be surrounded by people who I only thought cared.
Putting myself first, for once, was the greatest thing I could have done for myself. Through doing this, I've realized what true friendship really means. It took a little heartache, and even some tears, but in return I've learned one of the greatest lessons life has taught me so far: As much as it may hurt at first, some people are just meant to stay in your heart and not in your life.
