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To The Incredible Pet I had to Put Down

Thank you for allowing my 6-year-old self with no self control to annoy the crap out of you.

Mackenzee Maruna

Dec 04, 2017

Gustavus Adolphus College

Mackenzee Maruna

To my pet I had to put down,

Hi. I Hope life up in heaven is great. Glad to hear that you’re not suffering anymore. We miss you a lot down here. Life isn’t the same without you. It gets a sliver easier every day, but it’ll never be the same.

I wanted to say thank you for the love you gave me. Thanks for all of the scratches and scars you gave me so I always have a little piece of me with you. I miss being the only one who was able to give you belly rubs.

I hope you’re partying and loving our family member up there too. You were a great pet. You always would cheer me up when I was down. I appreciate you allowing my 6 year old self with no control to annoy you. I miss making you climb up walls as you were chasing a laser.

Thanks forever failing to love me.

You were a great pet and you still are.

Sincerely,

Your owner who misses you dearly.

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To The Incredible Pet I had to Put Down

Thank you for allowing my 6-year-old self with no self control to annoy the crap out of you.

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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