I keep my battles silent. That’s just kind of my Emily Dickinson-ish persona, save for the skittish tendencies and deeply erotic love letters, mind you. I never say much more than is needed, and am often told to speak more, and to say what I’m thinking when I stare wide-eyed into the sky, or linger for a few moments too many staring down the tracks of a train - groundwork to a far off distance, a future moment, kind of like life itself. It is funny because as children, we are never told by our parents what life is really like. We think one day everything we learned that’s been fermenting in our minds will just bubble over like champagne, and we will blossom; all of the intricate lessons engraved in our hearts will spark and when we get that car, that piece of paper with fine writing declaring our life’s work in four years, we will get it: we will emerge a new person, a proper adult and in a matter of time, we will become the epitome of happy and realized: working a job that ends at dusk, coming home to a spouse that prepares you soulful food, and going to sleep knowing you have done it, you have achieved the life your parents had and wished for you. But it isn’t so clear cut as that, simple point A to B logic, and there are many paths to the same, splendid destination.
I for one vouch for the road less traveled. Luckily, the school that I attend is a strong advocate for those who march to their own beat, and defy cut and dry stereotypes. But what about after you graduate college, what then? Do you go the standard way, settle down, get life insurance, and build a life? Do you become a free spirit for a couple years, meander through Amsterdam, start some sort of food blog? Or is there a possibility for somewhere in between these two possibilities, and how do you decide?
Coming of age stories always testify the pulling in the reigns, normalizing the wild, unabated passion into something more reasonable and sensible route. For example, in Bridesmaids, as funny and silly as it is, it unfolds the life of a woman who doesn’t yet have it figured out, in outrageous and over the top ways mind you, but as the film ends, and Annie the protagonist realizes she must change, we discover it wasn’t her surroundings or the people around her that changed her, but instead, it was her; her own voice that surged and motivated her to change. In psychological jargon, it was an internal locus of control that changed her. In Annie’s story, this became taking small steps, baby steps, what was manageable in the beginning, and following through and being patient with the silent metamorphosis. She began to bake cupcakes again, she learned to value what she already had, her friends, her mother, she fixed the tail lights on her car. But on a deeper level, these small changes resulted in something bigger, she decided to open up to love again and learned to accept herself, as her quirky, flawed, perfectly imperfect self.
In other stories, the character finds freedom in journeying and giving in to deeply untapped passions. Eat Pray Love and Under the Tuscan Sun all vouch for stripping away the constraints, and doing what the French and Italian so artfully do: slowing down, savoring life, taking that extra minute to enjoy that fine cup of espresso, and searching for dreams unfulfilled at 30, 40, and 50. After all, sometimes the meaning we all seem to search for and that eludes people of many generations, may be in the simple, what we have, and what’s in front of us.
What does this mean for twentysomething millennials? Well, my friends and I discuss this all the time. We’re in our twenties! we say. No true responsibilities yet, so, of course, we’re going to carpe diem and pack our bags, with only dreams and a few flannels to carry us, and explore new territories, new, unearthed jungleland, full of mysterious strangers and fresh adventures.
There is only so much time before we become mothers, or payroll professionals, or both, so why not savor these last moments of unabashed freedom and independence.
Like with many existential questions that confound us, the way out is usually by looking within and adapting the philosophy of others to meet your own style and tastes; making life work for you the way you know how, which also means the way you know best. Because only we know what makes us happy and sincerely feeds our hearts and minds, no matter where the popular wave is going. Try as we might to put on the coat that others wear, and do the activities they do, read what they read, listen to what’s “in,” it will never fulfill us unless we are staying true to ourselves, doing things that satisfy us personally, no matter what anyone thinks. So I can’t wait for the day we learn to unleash our inner kids and skip across those water play areas, you know, where water squirts out of the ground and kids have the time of their lives, just because we can. Or put that entire bite of fudge crumble cake in our mouths, even if it looks like a messy, chocolatey disaster after. Or watch those amazing Saturday morning cartoons, in spite of who will be around. When we learn to do things out of our own volition, that is when, I think, we are truly happy. Which doesn’t mean of course that we can’t be inspired by others and what they do, hey if it weren’t for my friend, I would have never tried bubble tea and found out I secretly love it but that’s beside the point.
;)
But, going back to the question of cut string living versus conventional living, what is the proverbial ruling? What can we gather from society, and the clues left by our older sisters and brothers, grandparents and relatives? I personally think that it’s possible to combine these two life dichotomies into something more profound and dynamic. I think we can learn to love what we do, and love what we learn, and most essentially, make a living, make a life, about doing stuff that fascinate us, inspire us, every day, and in the smallest of ways: and this got me thinking, what if we approach life like a newborn? Savoring new tastes, new sights, and new smells as though everything was unrifled through, and let our hearts be the guide in terms of passions, careers, and life affirming decisions?
A thought to ponder…
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