Just hear me out. There's nothing wrong with being a selfless person. Helping others brings a lot of happiness to both ends of the deal. But how much is too much? Are you ever so caught up in the well-being of another person that you forget to make sure you are taken care of as well?
Yes, there is such a thing as caring about other people way too much. I know people who have bent over backward to make someone else happy, even if it meant harm to themselves. We were taught to put others above ourselves, to not be selfish. However, we were never taught to take care of ourselves.
Growing up, our elders have taught us to always lend a helping hand and to "do unto others." But there was never a lecture about self-love and care. Why? You are a human being who deserves nurture and attention, especially from yourself. There is no flaw in this picture.
You know what happens when you don't consider your own feelings and issues? You become resentful, angry, and depressed. You become burnt out. You don't get the help you need, and you're forced to hide your problems from other people because THEIR feelings are more important than yours. Trust me, I know how this feels.
After I graduated high school, I decided to go to college eight hours away from my home. I was staying with family friends and had a sweet set up, including my own room and a shared kitchenette. It was all fun and games until the homesickness kicked in. I became very depressed and holed up in my room, only to emerge when I had to go to my part-time job or to class.
Rather than trying to talk to me to get to the root of the problem, my family friends snitched to my parents. Apparently, my behavior was unacceptable. I was told to knock it off and stop upsetting our friends. Can anyone see the problem in this situation?
From that point on, I had this mindset that I had to suppress all my problems and feelings because keeping others happy was most important. I was unhappy and burnt out, my self-esteem plummeted, and I hated myself. I never felt like I was doing enough to help and please others, and it was very damaging.
If you're in the same boat, please listen to me: YOU'RE important, too. Your feelings matter. Your well-being matters. Please find some time to take care of yourself. Take off work if you need to, have a lazy day and binge watch a show on Netflix or get some errands done.
Here's a big one: say no to someone if you can. Someone else can help them. It's hard at first to tell them no, but the world will not end if you say that one little word. You're not the only one on this planet that they can depend on.
Another difficult thing to do is letting your problems and feelings come to the surface. Let someone know how you're doing. If they truly care about you, they'll understand and try to help. If they make you out to be the bad guy, remove yourself from the situation. You deserve better.
There's a healthy balance with helping others and helping yourself. You can't do one more than the other. Let others know you care but love yourself, too. It's totally okay to do an equal amount of both.
