By now I'm sure you've heard of that trick to ripen avocados by torturing them in the oven. Like you, I love a good avocado. Whether I'm eating guacamole, using it as a substitute for real friends, or just plain scooping it out of it's socket avocados are tasty but very annoying to appreciate. Avocados are ripe for like 5 minutes, but you want them now. Humans have an instinctive drive to control nature and we're not gonna let a fat fruit beat us into waiting patiently to enjoy its contents. The same can be said for other fruits that need to ripen right this minute, such as the banana. I tried putting bananas in the oven, and after struggling with the handle for a bit I succeeded. Here's what went down. Cronan, you might want to skip this one. Cronan is a good friend who is allergic to bananas. You can't make this stuff up, people!

I was lucky enough to be given what I consider to be the greatest pancake recipe from some very nice folks in Frostburg, Maryland following my graduation. The recipe demands bananas. One Saturday morning when I had an intention to make these Godcakes, my bananas were still pretty green and hard, like Jill Stein's presidential campaign. Believe it or not, I goofed, also like Jill Stein's presidential campaign (tastes just as bad a second time). I neglected to buy my nanners a week in advance like I usually do, and putting them in a brown paper bag with some apples wouldn't be quick enough. I am not perfect. Assuming there was probably a way to exploit nature and accelerate these bananas into puberty, I went on Google to see if any mad scientists had tried this already. I found that many people, mostly Pinterest moms, had already been through my dilemma. And like most problems, we solve them with the oven. I was advised to put the fruits in the oven on a baking sheet. I tried to position the bananas so they wouldn't have to look at each other while they burned, but I don't know where the face of a banana is. I'm guessing the back is the curve, but I could write an entirely separate article on what I think bananas be like, so let's move on. I put those suckers in the oven on high.

After 30 pancake-less minutes I took out the bananas. They were black as night and I was frightened they might explode. I'm not afraid of the dark though, so I sucked it up and gutted a banana after it cooled off. If you ever want to experience sensory confusion, look at a steaming hot banana. It threw a breaker in my brain. The banana smelled odd. I knew this was a mistake! I should've known we cannot fight the natural world and expedite ripening without dire consequences! I really wanted these pancakes though and I promised them to my family (parrot included), so I then did what any brave kitchenista would do: I tasted it. I didn't die, but the taste is what I imagine death is. It was still way too starchy. However, the bananas were a more desirable texture than those lousy pre-oven bananas. They were soft and easily smashed.

I wasn't happy with the way the bananas turned out. Who would be? Whose first choice is to put bananas in an oven? But I had already prepped the dry batter and pops started cracking his knuckles, so it was time to make some pancakes with this sorry batter. Luckily the pancakes turned out as they normally do: The finest. Still, messing with nature didn't feel great. I wasn't proud of my decision. I can't just throw things in the oven when they don't go as planned. That's no way to live.

In conclusion, if you need to ripen bananas for a baking recipe, go ahead neighbor. The bananas will be of a soft consistency for banana bread or other baked goods, and in my case scorching them in the oven did not affect the taste of my dish. However, I would not recommend oven-ripening if you want to enjoy a banana solo. Even using one in a smoothie is a risk because the taste will probably still be that of a green nanner. The best way to enjoy a banana and other fruits is to be patient and let nature runs its course, or else you'll be blind with hope that everything will work out in your favor, like Jill Stein's presidential campaign.