Going to a Christian university has been wonderful. I love Jessup; it has grown my relationship with God so much already, and I just feel lighter being here, the community aspect of my school is also amazing, now with that being said... There are some often unspoken, but very real pressures at Christian universities. One of them is the wonderful "Ring by Spring" mentality. (Ring by Spring is getting engaged by the spring semester of your senior year.)
I know what your thinking. You're probably asking, wait aren't you a freshman, and why are you already thinking about this? Yes, I am a freshman, but that just goes to show how much this particular ideology is pushed especially at Christian universities. Everywhere you turn there is someone talking about marriage. There is often a talk in chapel that somehow involves your future spouse and that hopefully, you will find them in college. Now, I am not saying that this ideology is bad, many people find their spouse in college and that is great for them. What I am talking about is the immense pressure we feel to couple off. I have already seen a lot of it here, and I have only been here for 2 1/2 months.
Already many freshmen have coupled off, again not a bad thing. The problem with "Ring by Spring" is the ratios. Often times in Christian colleges the ratio of girls to guys or ladies to gentlemen (whatever you prefer) is 2:1, that is 1/2 of the female population at that school not having a "match" so to speak. There is so much pressure to find that person. I have never been one to really imagine my future husband, what he will look like, his name, etc. until I got to college. I didn't know why I suddenly cared until someone mentioned the "Ring by Spring" phrase that is hung over our school without it even being called by name.
From the first moment you step on campus, there is this looming presence, you just feel it. What is with this inevitable pressure that happens on Christian campuses? Why is there a need to go spouse searching?
I totally understand that as Christians, finding someone who also loves Jesus is very important, but what is the hurry? Yes, I have always thought about marrying fairly young, but I wasn't thinking that I would find him within the first moments of entering college. I know there are many husbands and wives who met their first week of college, and that is great, again not my experience. All I have experienced is the pressure, the pressure to find that someone and hold on to them. The pressure and the fear that if you don't find someone you are doomed. The fear that this is it, which is 100% not true, but it still can feel that way. The fear that something is wrong with you if you aren't able to couple off. These are all lies that the enemy uses to get to us, especially to girls. I think that the Ring by Spring mentality helps fuel this thinking and makes us even more perceptible to it.
It's okay if you don't have someone right now, no matter what age you are. I truly believe that God has someone for everyone unless you are specifically called to celibacy. I truly believe that just because you haven't dated or don't have someone in mind that does not mean that you aren't meant to have a relationship, God just has someone extra special in mind.
