“Oh, don’t worry, you’ll change your mind.”
“Everyone says that when they’re your age.”
“You don’t want to die alone, do you?”
“Some people won’t ever get the chance, that’s being selfish.”
No, this isn’t about wanting to be single or be in a relationship, and this isn’t about wanting to grow up. This is about not wanting kids. Which I don’t. Ever. And I’m so serious.
It’s actually pretty ignorant to assume everyone woman capable of having a child wants to more than anything in this world. More and more millennials are deciding to remain childless by choice, but the majority of individuals want to have a large family and enjoy growing that family. I respect your opinion (and I can’t say the pictures of your baby/babies aren’t adorable) but this is not the life I choose for myself, and I’ve seen it this way for quite some time.
When I was eight years old, I told my parents they were going to have “lots and lots of grand puppies” (train ‘em when they’re young, am I right?) and when they would ask, “Well, what about babies too?” I would just shake my head and carry on. That was it. End of discussion.
These are my parents, mind you. The parents who only have one child. The parents who love me and support me with absolutely anything I do with the life I’ve been given. If they don’t continue to bother me and pester me about it, but rather talk about all the wonderful things I’ll get to do, why can’t you do the same?
Frankly, it’s not anyone’s decision but my own. I’m a feminist down to my bones and I fully believe in “my body, my choice” but no one goes around asking men why they don’t want kids someday? Why aren’t we asking women about their education? Their dreams, aspirations, career goals? My importance and significance in my lifetime are not determined by the need/want to reproduce. There are plenty of women who have zero problems poppin’ out five or six children like it’s no big deal. I’ll let them “enjoy” all the childbirth they want. I don’t foresee myself being a mother and, in almost 13 years since the infamous grand puppies statement, I don’t see that changing.
I am complete on my own. I have a fulfilling, insatiable life full of exuberant people, memories and I’m nowhere finished with all that I want to achieve. I was blessed by every definition of the word growing up, and I would only hope that my child would be given the same lifestyle and I truthfully don’t know if that would happen for me. Growing up in the times that we currently going through is so hard. so hard. Baby boomers and Gen X don’t realize how much different they’re adolescence was and no, I’m not whining, but in my personal view, I don’t see it as a responsible decision.
I want to be able to come home to my loving spouse, way too many dogs, travel the world and do all the things everyone can choose to do as well-- but I don’t want to be pregnant, I don’t want to come home to a baby, and I don’t want to worry about what that baby will be doing every moment for the next 18+ years.
I was once told that having a child is the most selfless thing you could ever do because after birth your life revolves around your child and its needs over your own. Depending on your views you might agree or you might disagree; however, being concerned with possible regret about not having kids someday or missing out on certain things isn’t strong enough persuasion to convince me to conceive.
The world could not continue and life as we know it would not go on if people just all of a sudden decided to stop having children. Children are a blessing to so many and I am so proud of all of the mothers I know personally for raising such incredible individuals. Just note that not everyone wants to live that lifestyle, and I would appreciate not being questioned for the way I choose to live mine.
