You might have heard of something called a purity ring: usually silver, worn by someone who has chosen to be abstinent before marriage. I think somewhere down the road the concept of having a purity ring got misconstrued, or maybe people viewed it this way since the beginning; whatever the history, I wanted to bring to light how I feel about these little trinkets and put into words what some people may also feel is the real concept behind having a purity ring.

Let’s talk sex. Some people take an oath to not have sex before they are married. With this is mind, they wear the silver band around their finger (sometimes their left ring finger to point to marriage) as a reminder of the oath they have taken. It is noble at its source and, I believe, very admirable for a person to do such a thing in a world crazy about sex. However, with this viewpoint, if the person loses their virginity somewhere between receiving the ring and their wedding night, they have failed miserably and lose all rights of wearing the purity ring— because, after all, the whole point of it was to keep from having sex before they were at the point of marriage.

Some people have come to me, pointing to the cross on my right ring finger, asking, “Is this your purity ring?” I say, “Yes,” as they answer, “I stopped wearing mine after the first time I had sex” or “I never got one— and there’s a reason why.”

Every time I hear this, my heart breaks a little, wondering how such a beautiful concept got so misinterpreted. For many people, purity stands as a massive white dress looking down on their failures. There is no room for messing up when you're wearing white— no grease stains or barbecue sauce or drooling or nail polish. Is it possible that at its source, purity is the complete opposite? The dress (or shorts or pants if you prefer) covered in our experiences of life, the good and the bad, the complex and simple, the everyday colors of our emotions, fears and failures, successes and triumphs. One of my favorite sayings puts it this way: God’s mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. —Lamentations 3:22-23.

If purity contains no trace of mercy, then I’m sorry to say we are all a lost cause, just looking up at that white dress or suit, knowing we will never be good enough. However, I do not believe this is true.

I believe, like many things, purity is a concept too grand for us to grasp, but I do think it is worth looking into because it is one of the most beautiful things that exists in our world. To try and put the concept of purity into words, I have formed my own definition, though incomplete and imperfect it may be.

Purity is a little one’s hand, outstretched and offering a flower in the light of day. It is knowing that you don’t have to hold yourself up to the expectations of the white dress; you can be all of you in all your colors and weaknesses and vulnerability and mistakes and your heart can still pure. It is having faith that, even when you do mess up, everything will be okay because Purity cannot be so easily conquered. Purity does not equal virginity. It does not exist to keep a person “clean” or out of trouble; it lives to keep a person’s heart tender, to help them enjoy the simplicities of life without being afraid to get a little messy. Purity is there so that we don’t have to worry about failure or mistakes. It lives in us to keep the inside of us lovely, to help us know we have always been worth loving.

As far as purity rings go, I think reinterpreting them as a reminder that, yes, we will fail, but that does not mean we have lost all purity is a good place to start (that is, if you're of the mind that purity is not so easily definable or bound by our viewpoints of the world). This is why I do not wear the silver band for the marriage I may have in the future, but instead, I wear it everyday to remind myself I have always been loved, always will be loved, and am loved now by the Creator of purity himself, no matter how messy I get.