I was sitting in a room with two of my friends and they were discussing how they would never be able to date someone who didn’t save their purity for marriage because they had lost their virginity. I snapped. I know I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, but this is an issue in so much of the Christian culture especially those around my age. Also, this issue hits home. First of all we need to stop defining purity as something that has to only do with sex. Second, someone who has fallen into sexual sin is not lost forever. Third, then aren’t married people un-pure?

Purity is not a synonym for abstinence or virginity. Purity has everything to do with your relationship with God. All Christian are pure in God’s eyes because God sees us through the lens that is Jesus. Jesus made us all pure when he died on the cross for each and every one of our sins. This includes sexual sin. Last time I checked the Bible tells us that we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). We all have our struggles with different types of sin. Some struggle with pride, idolatry, hatred, greed etc. But we still should be loving and forgiving each other. Every time we sin we hurt our purity with God. Jesus said, “Whoever is without sin among you, let him be the first to cast a stone at her” (John 8:7). So then why do we treat sexual sin as so much more taboo and as a worse sin. Instead we should be trying to help them through their struggle with sin, just like you would like someone to help you through your struggle with sin.

Have you ever thought about the people who had sex before they became a Christian? Not everyone was raised in a household where sex is a sin. I didn’t realize sex was a sin until years after I had already lost my virginity. Still to this day I want to puke at the thought of how I messed up and that one day I will have to tell the woman of my dreams that I didn’t save myself for her. If I could I would go back and stop myself from ever having sex. That is why, when I hear people saying they would never date someone who lost their purity it upsets me. I work hard and devote my life for Jesus, but your telling my because of a sin I committed long ago I am forever un-pure for you. That doesn’t make sense to me because if God can forgive me and He is the Ruler of Heaven then why can’t you forgive me. I never sinned against you, but against the Lord. I would rather marry someone who is in love with God and has sexual sin in their past before dating someone who has saved their self for marriage because that’s what their parents told them to do.

If purity is related to sex alone then married people would always be un-pure, but it isn’t. Sex was designed for marriage. God designed pleasure and purity to work hand and hand. We see how much it works together thanks to Song of Solomon. We hurt ourselves when we think that sex makes people un-pure because then we aren’t able to fully let ourselves understand all the beauty of sex. Sin is what make us un-pure, and as I said earlier sex outside of marriage is a sin. Inside of marriage it’s a necessity. Sex grows intimacy, love, allows kids etc. That is why it is saved for marriage.

Please watch how we word sexual sin. Let’s get away from using purity as a synonym for virginity. Understand that people sin and make mistakes, but their purity is a reflection on their relationship with God.