So, a couple of weeks ago I wrote an article about how customers are not always right and how they should respect their cashiers, customer service representatives, sales associates, and the like. Well, I would like to narrow that down a little and talk specifically about what it’s like to work in a place that serves alcohol. Like many minimum wage entry level customer service positions, it’s a job that comes with a full range of customers. The most memorable of these customers can be split into two groups: the ones who get it and the ones who think we are the spawn of Satan, hell bent on preventing them from using their God-given right to purchase alcohol. Obviously, I am exaggerating a bit here but not by a lot, as many of my own coworkers and persons in arms can tell you. So, here’s some pointers for all you folks who like smoking and drinking.

1. Alcohol and cigarettes (cigars, cigarillos, etc) are considered controlled substances.

This means that these products are governed by different sets of laws, policies, and protocols than your average loaf of bread. Breaking these laws, ignoring the policies, and bypassing the protocols can result in a ton of consequences. It also means that these substances and your access to them are not a right but rather a privilege.

2. The consequences of me breaking the law are greater than the consequences of you not having your liquor/smokes.

If I break the laws set forth by the Alcohol and Tobacco Commission (ATC), I could face some very drastic consequences. Selling to a minor OR to a person who doesn’t have valid ID can very well get me fired. As in no job. As in no income. Specifically, selling to a minor is an ACTUAL crime and I could go to jail and get charged a $500 fine. Five. Hundred. Dollars. That’s a textbook and a half. Are you gonna pay for that? No? Kay. Did I mention that the company I work at will NOT pay for that fine? So now I am out of job, may go to jail, and pay a $500 fine. Lol. Stop.

3. Third Party Selling is an actual thing and it’s serious AF.

For those of you who aren’t aware, third party selling is when someone who is 21 tries to buy alcohol either for a minor or for the purposes of providing to a minor. This is considered illegal. Because of this and because third party selling is somewhat easy to do, the ATC decided that those businesses who sell alcohol have something called retailer responsibility. This just means that these businesses should take an active role in preventing third party selling.

4. The law says I have to check IDs of persons who appear to be under 40.

So please don’t ask, “What, don’t I look old enough?” or “Man, I’m 27 years old, why are you carding me?” because FORTY is the threshold. Not only that, but I have to use my own discretion when it comes to making that decision. So while you think you look 57, I may perceive you to look 38. In this particular difference of opinion. I, as the keeper of the alcohol, win.

5. If you come into a liquor store drunk, do not be surprised if you get kicked out.

Detecting drunk persons isn’t particularly hard. There are clear signs. Part of my training when I began to work for my first alcohol retailer was being able to detect signs of intoxication. Fact: I cannot sell alcohol to a person who appears to be already under the influence . . . of anything.

6. Do not come into a liquor store with someone else’s ID.

We are not stupid. I don’t know about all stores, but I know that at my work place there are some very serious consequences for letting a minor use your ID to purchase alcohol. So. Don’t do that. Because you will look really stupid.

7. Fakes are bad and you should feel bad.

We are trained to spot fake IDs as well. So, just don’t bring one in. There are a series of different tells when it comes to fake IDs. Plus, a lot of places have up-to-date ID booklets for reference. So if you think you’re safe because your ID says Wisconsin and you’re in Indiana, think again.

So, I hope these tips are helpful. Given the nature of society, I know that my one article isn’t going to solve all of the world’s problems but I do have some faith that my readers will heed my warnings and tips and give word to the masses about what I’ve said here today. So to all of my legal drinking age friends, Drink Responsibly. To all my minor friends, ‘if you’re going to drink, I’d rather you do it in the house.” JK. HA. I just wanted to work a “Mean Girls” quote in here.