"In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you." - Andrea Dykstra.
We look back on uncomfortable circumstances and experiences in our lives and wonder if we could have done something to change it. As humans, we often believe we have the power to control the things that happen around us, but the truth of the matter is: we don't.
The thoughts are often associated with regret, wonder, anxiety and thinking we can go back and change something that hurt us. That maybe if we said something else, didn't go to a place at a certain time, or even drove the other way, maybe it wouldn't have happened. But it did, and that is where it becomes difficult.
Experiences in our lives shape us as humans, dig deep into our cores, and ultimately have more of an impact on our minds than we may realize. That does not mean it does not hurt. These experiences, we wish would go away, we punish our brains and our bodies, and make ourselves believe that it is our fault.
It has never been, or ever will be your fault. I know it is not easy to believe it, but we have no control over traumatic events. Punishing yourself everyday and thinking "could've, should've, would've" is unfair punishment to yourself. There is no time machine, as much as we would want one- it's very unlikely.
There are a lot of words to describe how punishing yourself affects the body and mind, but in one word specifically, it is: heavy. We have so many feelings and emotions everyday in this life. Allowing the bad moments to take over completely, leads down to a dark road, that again, is not fair to you.
This is where it gets a little difficult to learn how to stop punishing yourself. Whether it takers a prayer, tears, talking to friends or family, or even writing- you must find a way to let this event stay in the past, and accept that you had no control over this. Even if you feel like you did, or it was a mistake in your mind, it happened, and there is nothing we can do to change how it did. We can only look forward and give ourselves peace.
I understand how this is easier said than done, but it gets easier with time, learning and growth. The past can be a very painful place to re-visit everyday, and it is almost inevitable to not think about, but you deserve more happy moments, regardless of your past.
Pushing yourself is perpetual by obsessing over intrusive thoughts.
This is not letting go, but it is finding peace with experiences.
Let your body and your brain have a break. Stop beating yourself up. One day you will wake up and want to let go of the heaviness and weight you carry everyday. Look forward, take the lessons with you, and always remember that you still deserve happy moments in this short life. You cannot change the past, but you can learn to find peace and stop punishing yourself.
I understand for some people that self forgiveness can play a large role. I highly encourage anyone struggling with this to forgive yourself, if you feel that will help you. But, once you do, the self punishment can no longer stay there. You will find peace soon.
I hope this day will come soon for all those struggling with certain events or experiences that caused regret and distress. We are only human, we have a certain amount of years on this earth, so give yourself comfort. The sun will rise again, keep shining.
I normally end all of my writings with "Love Always, Mel", but this time, it is a little different.
In Loving Memory of MAD. I found peace for you.
1/24/23.
