October, to me, has always been kind of a so to speak “hump” month: you’ve been in classes for two months (too long) but you’re not quite yet stuffing your face with turkey and grandma’s homemade cranberry sauce. Winter break is just around the corner but somehow manages to get side swiped by an obnoxious amount of October hoopla. Which brings me to my few reasons why the month of October can suck my pumpkin seeds.
Three words, Pumpkin Spice Lattes. There are many reasons behind my hatred, but one of my favorites has to be witnessing the flocks of 13-year-olds taking selfies with their cups of coffee, posting an unnecessary picture on some form of social media, trying it, realizing how awful they actually are, and consequently throwing out a $6 full cup of brewed pumpkin slop.
What about Pumpkin Carving? I would like to go on a whim here by saying most people have at least attempted to join in the fall festivities by trying their luck at pumpkin carving at some point. Now, when talking about pumpkin carving, everyone seems to neglect to mention the part about how difficult it actually is to carve a pumpkin. All you see are beautifully carved witches and spider webs posted on Facebook, and you think, “Hey, that can’t be too hard”. Wrong. It is. Unless you are the Martha Stewart of pumpkin carving, this is most likely how the experience unfolds:
You buy the overly priced pumpkin that you handpicked for perfection (minus the obvious greenish and lumpy contour of it). You sit on an awfully uncomfortable hayride, which ultimately results in you pulling hay out of places that you didn’t even know hay could get. You get home with fire and desire in your eyes, creation bubbling in your veins. All until you start to gut the stupid thing (which is a heck of a lot more tedious than anyone ever let on). All of a sudden you’re elbow deep in pumpkin pit and goop, it’s cold and mushy and will get on your clothes no matter what precautions are taken. After you’re finally done (and exhausted) a second wind of exhilaration kicks in as you try your hand at carving. You hold the $8 special pumpkin knife that you just had to have and realize that carving the thing is just as, if not harder than gutting it. Your hand cramps up and your shoulder hurts from how hard you have to continuously push in and out in erratic motions trying to encompass the details of the cat face you wanted to make. After you’re finished mutualizing the pumpkin, the supposed to be the detailed display of a black cat looks something of a circle with dangling pumpkin pieces (the only remnants that exist of the eyes, nose and whiskers). Out of embarrassment you call it quits, go to the store and buy a perfectly made Jack-O-Lantern face and put that on your porch instead. But, of course, no one ever seems to mention the time you got so angry you almost chucked a pumpkin out your front window.
Another thing that’s awful is the cold. October is the month that starts the depression that is below 20-degree weather. Jack Frost begins to appear at your doorstep, but at the same time, the sun sometimes make an appearance later on and you’re left with an awkward “I don’t know what to wear” kind of deal. You can’t really wear a heavy sweater because you’ll be drenched in your own sweat by the time noon rolls around, but you also can’t wear a t-shirt because you’ll have to thaw yourself out before entering your first morning lecture. Also, October brings with it a depressing time for outdoor sports. Pools and water sports need to be locked up from spring; however, it’s not cold enough yet for snow so winter sports like skiing and snowboarding are off the table too. You really just can’t win with October weather.
The thing we look forward to the most this month is probably Halloween. Now I might receive some heat for this, but just hear me out. After the age of about 12 it’s no longer acceptable to parade around as your favorite Power Ranger and go knocking on your rich neighbor’s door hoping for the King size Snickers Bar. So instead we’re at this weird age where we can’t go trick or treating so we all just hang around at parties with 9 very similar versions of angels and devils and no less than 15 black cats. Let’s be honest, we all just miss being kids and going trick or treating. The words trick or treating slowly developed into turn up. Well, there you have it, folks. October for the lack of a better word—sucks. Don’t get me wrong there are some things that are okay about October (few and far between) but the negatives outweigh the positives whichever way you slice the undercooked pulpy pumpkin pie.
