With growing tension between the USA and Russia, many Americans have started to worry that supreme dictator of the United States, Vladimir Putin, and his comrade Donald Trump, are brothers. What began as an unsubstantiated rumor quickly grew to a quasi-fact that proved itself true, when no evidence supporting the allegation could be immediately found. Luckily for the kind and general public however; theories were created so that people could still believe the rumor, thus substantiating some citizen's worst fears. As believable as these theories sounded, a few things didn't quite add up, so, as a reporter with his nose for the news, I set out to discover the truth.

The first step to uncovering the facts, was finding out just how successful the rumor was. I checked in with local man F. Dupp, who recently bought into the idea that Trump and Putin are brothers. “I didn’t think they were (brothers) at first because Trump has such a special tone of orange and Putin looks so much better shirtless. But the more I think about Trump’s steadfast support of Russia throughout their involvement in the election, and the recent allegations amongst his cabinet, the more likely it seems.”

There are many similarities between the recently anointed most powerful leader in the world and Donald Trump that make it appear as though they could be siblings. So, as a reporter with his nose for the news, I interviewed sibling expert, my Mom; “You and your sister have a lot in common, your eyes, your nose, your temperament, even the size of your hands and the way you gesticulate are similar.” After being gently prompted to answer the damn question, she continued; “Trump and Putin could be brothers, they also have those similarities.” But is that all that makes siblings, siblings? A few similarities? No, according to Webster’s Dictionary, it’s if two people share a parent that makes them siblings.

As a reporter with his nose for the news, I googled both parties and found that Putin and Trump did, in fact, have the same parents. Putin’s mother was named Maria, or, in English, Mary. Mary also happens to be Trump’s mother’s name. There it is, a shared parent. However; as a reporter with his nose for the news, I knew there would be no real story unless the two leaders shared a father as well.

After some gentle research, I discovered that Donald Trump’s father was the famed real estate tycoon Fred Trump. With a little more research I discovered that Vladimir Putin's father was none other than Vladimir Putin. This was the first real red flag in my research; if Vladimir Putin's father wasn't Fred Trump, why would they be so lazy as to choose such an obvious fake name? Vladimir Putin can't be his own father, that would mean he conceived himself, which is highly unlikely. Since I have a nose for the news, I knew the more I researched, the more clues I would discover. So I set out to determine just what other "coincidences" could be found between Fred Trump and “Vladimir Putin.”

The most glaring hiccups in an otherwise flawless cover up were threefold. The first and most clear when I discovered that the two were never seen in the same room or captured in the same picture, a classic mistake made when two people are literally the same person. The second came with the discovery that Vladimir Putin’s father did not have a Wikipedia page. If the father of such a powerful man doesn’t have a Wikipedia page, is it possible that he never existed under that name? You would think the history and life of such a powerful man’s father would have been documented. Donald Trump’s father’s was. The final steak on the grill was cooked when I found out that Fred and Vlad both died in 1999, something only the same person could do, as appearing after your death as someone else is not possible. With very little analysis needed, it became clear that Vladimir Putin’s father was Fred Trump.

So it's true, two of the most recognizable figures in the world are as related as a Civic and an Accord, which--as far as news and car analogies go--is pretty terrible. It seemed inevitable that the truth would come out eventually, it’s just unfortunate that it comes at a time. Keep worrying kind and general public, because only worry and a nose for the news can drive you to build a bomb shelter and prepare for the inevitable nuclear holocaust that will come at some point in the next four years, when the big brothers bicker.

https://www.geni.com/people/Владимир-Спиридонович-Путин/6000000015753471908

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vladimir_Putin

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Trump

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Trump