Being a black woman is hard. We encounter everyday trials and must endure all kinds of obstacles. We’re strong, independent, resilient, passionate… Simply put, there are hundreds of adjectives I could use to describe black women. We’re one of a kind. There is, however, one word that is not allowed to be used when talking about a black woman. That word being VICTIM. No, we’re taught to be strong and to always push through. We’re told to stay intact and not allow society to see us crack. Why? Because we have too much to lose, and not enough to gain from being labeled as weak and feeble. The damsel in distress is not a role for the African-American female.
But, when I use the term victim, I mean when the innocence of a little black girl is taken away because of wandering eyes and probing hands. I mean when the sense of security is snatched away from a young black woman because she happens to have fuller breasts and a “fat” behind. I mean when a black woman is publically humiliated because some guy thought he had the right to VIOLATE her because he took her to dinner and mistook her flirting as an invitation of wanting more.
I recently read an article written by Tressie McMillan Cotton, "How We Make Black Girls Grow Up Too Fast," and it hit home for me. It's filled with sad and heartbreaking facts that most black girls/women can relate to. To summarize the article, Cotton writes about the time when she learned that "being a woman is about what men are allowed to do to you." She learned that there are "ho's and women." While sitting with her family, her cousin implied that she could not be a "ho" because she was, in fact, his cousin, but any other woman, who's not of blood relations, can be a ho. It was then she also learned that black girls are not capable of being truly subjected to sexual predators.
Reading the article I could feel my blood boiling, I was upset that this thinking is the exact mindset of many people today, black men and women alike. Why is that black girls and women are not allowed to be subjected to sexual predators and assault? Why aren't they allowed to be seen as victims BEFORE the trials, and accusations, and media press? Why must we be labeled as "ho's" before the truth comes out?
The question lies at the dinner table, in your living room on your television screens, and on your mobile phones, how are black women talked about now? Are we portrayed as innocent or sexualized objects? Lately, in the news, we’ve seen musical moguls apologizing for their rude and crude comments. Rick Ross recently posted his apology for saying how he doesn’t sign female rappers because he doesn’t want to f**k them. R&B legend R.Kelly is a very well known predator of young black girls BUT still gets praised. Why is that? We live in a society that assumes that black women put themselves in predicaments that cause them to get violated. Cotton wrote that her cousin called a black woman a ho because she was in the hotel room with her predator. In response, she said, "She could have been butt naked in that room and it shouldn't matter." A fact that society needs to understand today. Consent is not given when a woman drinks, flirts, kisses, or dresses in an appealing way. We live in a society that allows victim shaming of black women.
The excuse being: she’s grown, look at that body, she’s almost ready. Puberty has become permission for a man to touch a woman. It clears the conscious of others and puts the victim at fault. African-American girls do tend to grow and mature much faster than their white peers. A child can not help the fact that she is overdeveloped. A young teen should not have to worry about grown men peering at her because she has wider hips that were passed down to her by genetics. Too often these violations go unnoticed because our voices can’t be heard over the demeaning of other women.
We hear how other victims are talked about and blamed, how other women, in general, are dogged and made out to be “bringing down the black man” and that it’s easier to keep everything inside. Be the strong independent woman that we are taught to be and turn the other cheek. Allowing society to see you broken is not what you’re allowed to do.
It’s a problem that needs to end. Black women are many things, we’re smart, we’re queens, we’re capable of being victims. We don’t need to fear isolation or disrespect for speaking out. Do better my kings and queens, do better.
