It's that time of year again. People are lacking creative ideas and are going to spend too much money on a Halloween costume that itches in that dreadful place at the corner of TMI and touching will cost you. At least everyone will know what you're supposed to be. Now more than ever it seems we're in a creative drought. Almost everywhere I turn my beefy neck I see a remake or a re-brand of something that already exists. This isn't always good. Peter Jackson's King Kong was a nice remake, but now another one is coming, and too many remakes get old after awhile. I've lost count of how many Spider-Men are crawling around Hollywood. What's so bad about thinking up original ideas and writing a new script? I believe the reason for most remakes is that people are lazy and want to make money. Or, people are having trouble thinking of new ideas and want to make money. Either way, you clones won't get my money. Seems to me you all have writer's block, and you can thank the Lord I'm here to tell you how to kill it.

Writer's block is a dingus. No one invited it, but it shows up anyway and eats all the hummus. Not only that, but it storms the veggie tray and leaves only raw cauliflower, one of the hardest vegetables to digest. Rather than trying to tell writer's block it can't park there, that's the neighbor's yard, you can tell that tool to go straight to hell. I've seen some lists intended to help people combat writer's block. "Go watch Netflix." That's a start, I agree with this one. Netflix is a pretty rad place and from what my dentist tells me, a lot of the shows are really good, so looking for something to plagiarize will get you the millions and the big house. Will you make the next Mighty Ducks, or will you write the next Harry Potter? Ah, but then you would be making a remake of something, which is what we're trying to avoid so you can be the next great writer in a world where many people don't like to read. "Try going for a walk and get some fresh air." Nope, sorry charlie (sorry if your name is Charlie), the only way you're really getting out of this is by writing through the block and learning how to deal with it the next time it shows up. Oh, look, it brought friends.

One thing I would do if I ever got writer's block, which I don't ever see happening because I'm the number one stunner, is to figure out what I want to accomplish with my writing. Do I want to make you laugh or do I want to make me laugh? Maybe I wanna spook ya or make you cry! Maybe emotions and entertainment aren't what I'm feeling and I would rather educate or inform. I could teach you how to combat writer's block or inform you of tonight's specials. Whatever mission I choose, I'll do my best I guess. Next, determine the desired audience. Who's crying? My mom? My neighbors? My friends, or a similarly small audience? The secret ingredient to mass appeal is to write about your insecurities and to self-deprecate as I've just done. People love it when you hate yourself. However, this vibe gets a little overplayed, and as much as I identify with it, the "how to adult" formula is starting to get a little stale, ya dig, Dad?

The final and easiest step to mauling writer's block is to discover your own style. Not hard at all! Just be true to yourself and indulge your known interests, and you'll be able to make the ideas flow naturally. For example, Pinterest has shown me that based off of my interests, I am a 34-years-young mother with a nameless husband and a toddler named Riley, I just discovered all the things I can do with acorn squash, I have a debilitating fear of gluten and what it will do to my family, and my specialty is making desserts "less naughty." And you thought your internet history was bad. Because I understand who I am, if I'm ever short on ideas and writer's block crashes at my place for what was supposed to be a few days, I can always write articles pertaining to the mom side of Pinterest because that is what comes naturally and most easily to me. Don't be surprised if down the road you see some articles about getting him into yoga and "healthy" Halloween treats using, I don't know, sweet potatoes probably. Maybe almond flour.

The best advice I can give for seeing writer's block 1v1 is to lock your door. If you want to, you can even go out on a limb and say this article can apply to creators of all sorts. Do artists get artist's block? Is that like a hand cramp? You could always draw breasts. People like breasts. Or develop your own style and draw men's pectorals. That'll really flip the script. Do musicians get musician's block? Like a rusty valve or a wet Macbook? People like trap beats, so make some bangers if you must. You could do these things, but it might not be true to you, so prioritize your happiness and love yourself. Being a Pinterest mom has really taught me a lot, so if you ever need consoling or guidance, I'm right here, honey. Please consider the things I've said here and know that we'll always be proud of you. Now open wide. I need you to be the guinea pig for some fudge I made fudge for the girls. The secret ingredient: Black beans.