Being a middle kid has shown me a lot of things, and with the ups and downs of it, I’m happy I’m in the middle.
Pros
1. You have the ability to lay low.
As a middle kid, I’ve learned I have the ability to fly under the radar. In my case, it sometimes feels like more attention has been paid to my brothers than to me; so over the years I’ve noticed how incredibly easy it is for me to get away with certain things. Like through school, my parents were focused more on my older brother, so there was wiggle room for me to get away with the occasional bad grade.
2. There is less pressure on you from your parents.
Again, in my case, it feels like more attention has been focused on my brothers. There is pressure on the eldest to do well in the workplace and pressure on the youngest to excel in basketball and in school; so that leaves me to coast by on my own. This is not to say that my parents do not try to push me, believe me, they do; but there is definitely less pressure on me than my brothers.
3. You learn to become independent.
Over my 20 years, I’ve become fiercely independent. From the time I was young I’ve preferred to do things myself; playing by myself, reading in my room, opting to do group work by myself in school. This is one of the best parts of being a middle child, having a real sense of independence is a great feeling. At my age, I feel terrible even asking my parents for anything.
4. There is an example there for you to follow.
When I was younger, I idolized my older brother; I wanted to do everything he did. I wanted to play baseball, I wanted to play basketball, I wanted to take karate. I used to put a backpack on my shoulders and go to the bus stop with him in the mornings, knowing I couldn’t yet go to school with him, but it made me feel cool to be like my older brother. He set the template that I tried so incredibly hard to follow. As a middle kid, you are not the guinea pig in the way a first born is, so there is leeway for you to coast through the motions of trying various sports or activities because your parents already know how the oldest child took to them.
Cons
1. You have to set an example for the youngest sibling.
When my little brother came along, my parents told my older brother and I that we had to work together to set the best example we could for him. So we had to eat our vegetables and brush our teeth before bed so our brother would learn to do these things, too. As we got older, this meant there was less room for me to goof off. While this is also a good thing, I enjoyed having the space to slip up once in a while.
2. You learn to become independent.
While learning to become independent can be a pro of being a middle kid, it can also be a con because you may need a hand figuring certain things out, and those hands that would be helping are focused on your other siblings. Luckily I had my parents’ help in just about everything I needed, but there were some things I was left to figure out on my own.
3. More attention can be focused on the other siblings.
As my younger brother grew up, my parents were more dedicated to taking him to basketball practices, or his T-ball games or his drum lessons or to events with his friends. My older brother and I were old enough at this point that we could fend for ourselves fairly well, so my parents probably felt like they did not have to “watch” us like they had to with our younger brother. Over time, I’ve felt like all I’ve heard from aunts, uncles, grandparents was “Are the boys okay?” or “Did your brothers eat?” or “Are you looking out for your brothers?” this always bugged me, I felt that because I was still the only girl out of the “younger cousins” at this time that attention should have been focused on me, not them.
4. Middle kids can sometimes be looked over or “forgotten.”
Prime example: My mom and I were grocery shopping yesterday and with every item she picked out she said, “your brother Michael eats these, so I’ll get them for him.” Or, “your brother George eats these so I’ll get them for him, too,” after about five consecutive products being picked for either of my brothers I said, “Mom, what do I like? Why can’t we get things I like, too?” I completely understand how juvenile and childish that sounds, but for me, it’s the principle of the matter.
