Chances are that if you have a sibling one of you is considered the "good" child. However, having a sibling isn't a requirement to be considered the "good" child; an only child can still be and often is the "good" child. I am that child in my family, but even if you aren't the "good" child, you surely know someone who is. Here are some pros and cons to being the "good" child.
Pro #1- You're basically the favorite child.
Whether they admit it out loud or not you are the favorite child, and that makes dealing with your parents easy. Being the "good" child has entitled you to get what you want (most of the time), without much opposition. Although we probably don't want to admit it, it is easier to trick and manipulate when you're held in high regard, which is why parents so quickly fulfill the "good" child requests. Life can be pretty sweet with your parents on your side.
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Con #1- You're basically the favorite child.
There are definitely perks to being the favorite child, but there are also drawbacks. For instance, parents can become entirely overbearing and sometimes try too hard to please you. They constantly want to know what you're doing, how you're feeling, and what you're working on- what's the next thing they are going to be proud of you for? Also, sometimes parents forget about your personal bubble; just because I'm the "good" child doesn't mean I'm safe to hug whenever you feel like it. Please, just give me some space.
Pro #2- Minor slip-ups are quickly dismissed.
Whenever the "good" child makes a small mistake, it is quickly written off as a fluke. This is especially true if you have a sibling who is considered the "not-so-good" child. Your parents are so used to the other child's mistakes, that when you make a mistake it is treated as if it is no big deal. Reprimands are weak, and punishments are minimal to nonexistent.
Con #2- Every mistake you make feels earth-shattering.
Whether your mistake is big or small is inconsequential; you still feel like an idiot. Your parents may not punish you or reprimand you, but the worst thing you can hear is, "I'm disappointed in you." Hearing that tears your soul apart, no matter who it comes from. Being the "good" child means the bar is set pretty high for you. Although no one has come straight forward and said this, you feel like you have to do everything perfectly, and you always have to top your last success. The "good" child has to exceed expectations to feel good enough, so when you fall short it feel earth-shattering.
Pro #3- There's always someone to lift you up.
When you're struggling with something you always have someone to lift you up. Everyone's used to you succeeding, so you're expected to get through things. It's just what you do. People aren't used to seeing you fail, so failure seems implausible. Instead you are showered with compliments and declarations of pride.
Con #3- No one believes your struggle is real.
While it's great to have someone trying to lift you up, sometimes you just want someone to understand that you actually struggle too. People tend to write off your stress and struggles, because they only see your history of success. Sometimes you wish screwing up didn't make you feel so bad, so you could take a step off of the pedestal that everyone seems to put you on. You're left to deal with your stress alone, typically falling face first into the floor.
Pro #4- You're pushed into becoming a better person.
Although it is extremely stressful to be placed on that pedestal, it pushes you to grow and be better. The higher the expectations people have for you, the harder you push yourself. Perhaps you wouldn't have been able to realize your full potential without people pushing you to do better. Any promotion, award, and certificate that you've won can be attributed to those persuasions to grow.
Con #4- You feel guilty for the "not-so-good" child.
This con only works if you have a sibling who is not the "good" child, and this con is multi-layered. For one thing, you feel responsible to make up for all the mistakes that your siblings make. Every time he/she disappoints your parents, you feel obliged to make them proud twice as much.
A part of you feels bad whenever you are praised, especially in front of your sibling. There was an instance from when I was in elementary school, that I still feel bad for my brother about: our parents were looking over our grade cards, and my father looked at me and in front of my brother said, "well, at least we have one good child." Although this was a compliment to me, I couldn't enjoy it because it hurt my brother.
You end up feeling responsible for all of your sibling's mistakes. Perhaps this only works for me because I am the eldest child, but my brother told me that because I played the role of the "good" child, he felt like he had to be the "bad" child. Similar to playing good cop/bad cop. I was informed that he didn't want to compete with me, and so he chose to be the "bad" child. This information broke my heart, and it makes me feel like I have destroyed so many opportunities for him by being the "good" child.
Family dynamics are tricky, and they are never easy to figure out. From my experience, sometimes it's rewarding being the "good" child, but sometimes it's more work than it's worth.
