Ah, Thanksgiving. A time for good food, family, and the subtle reminder that you, in fact, are not as badass as you think you are.
Every Thanksgiving, since I was about 14, I can remember walking into my Aunt's with the faint uncertainty of where I would be seated at Thanksgiving dinner. Could this be the year where I'm finally graced with a chair that is made for people over 4'5"? Will I have the privilege of using a wine glass? And, alas, every year I am faced with the harsh reality that I am, for all intents and purposes, just a large child. My two-decade stint as the matriarch of the kids' table has given me a lot of time to weigh the pros and cons of dinner's most infamous place setting.
Pros:
1. You can eat whatever you want without criticism
You want four pieces of pie? Go for it. Not a huge fan of your Uncle's sweet potatoes? Ditch 'em. The 10-year-olds aren't going to care if you forego the carrots to take an extra scoop of mashed potatoes. Might as well LIVE. IT. UP.
2. You avoid tough questions
What are your plans for after school? Are you dating anyone? The kids' table is a safe haven from all the questions you don't feel like answering. The most intense topic you'll likely discuss is the Disney Channel, so you won't have to break the news to your Grandma that you're, sadly, not going to be a doctor.
3. Manners are optional
Go ahead and eat like you've been starving for the past four months because you probably have been. No napkin? No problem. The kids' table is a judgment-free zone, so you make as big of a mashed potato moat as your heart desires.
Cons:
1. Two Words: TINY CHAIRS.
I'm not sure if the chair keeps getting smaller every year or if I'm just getting wider, but you know there's an issue when the top of your knees hit the bottom of the table. Easily THE WORST part of the kids' table.
2. You're out of the loop for all of the family gossip.
Which cousin is pregnant? What is everyone laughing at? I want to hear all about the latest from the source, not a brief recap from my mom while we're Black Friday shopping.
3. Trying and failing to fit in with your younger cousins.
First of all, I don't know what Ninjago even is. Attempting to relate to the tries and tribulations of today's youth is no easy task, and you're too close for comfort to being an adult to gain their trust.
Love it or hate it, the kids' table has a special place in my heart, and it's probably the most interesting spot at Thanksgiving. Here's to the past 20 years, and at this rate, here's to the next 20.
