Tess Munster once said, "Life is so much more beautiful and complex than a number on a scale." As a young, plus-size woman, I can wholeheartedly agree with Munster's perspective. All things aside though, I feel limited and huge as a woman in this culture. No one allows you to be the way you are at this point, and it destroys my self-esteem and any amount of confidence I have in myself and my body. To everyone out there who thinks this is just another article about a "fat" girl overcoming obstacles... don't worry, it isn't. This isn't a happy, fun article; it's the blinding truth that myself and other plus size women (or men) face everyday. Here are a few of the things that society and its members have made me hate:
1. Eating in class
I was recently feeling a little run down, so instead of going and eating breakfast in the dining hall, I chose to sleep in and take some pumpkin bread to class with me. I ate some on my way to class while other people stared and watched me eat as I walked. When I finally made it to class, everyone watched me slowly pick small pieces of the bread off of the little portion of bread that was left. Once I finished, I took the container over to the trash and people watched me walk; when I turned around, a guy in the class moved his eyes over my body, stopping at my hips and frowning, then sliding up to my chest and smiling. Creepy, but true. This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened and I know it won't be the last, but it hurt nonetheless.
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2. Filling out forms for physicals and doctors appointments
Raise your hand if you've ever lied about your weight to your friends, family, partner, or on a document.... Okay, now put it back down and tell everyone you were stretching. It comes as no surprise that sometimes, we fib a little about our weight. I try not to fib to my best friend, but as for my family and my boyfriend, I can't help but fib. They don't have to know, and he doesn't think about it unless he picks me up off the ground. It's a win win for me.
3. Shopping
Ask anyone, I hate shopping for clothes. Just having to find my sizes and shopping in the plus size sections at stores makes me feel inferior. Stretch jeans make me hate myself more, and wanting a band t-shirt when they don't have your size is painful. I'm not saying that everyone should hate it and not everyone does, but I cannot stand clothes shopping at all.
4. Stomach growls are the worst
You know that feeling you get when your stomach is about to growl? That sound is my downfall. It makes me lose focus and it kills me when people look at me like 'How is she even hungry? Look at her.' Most the time it growls but it isn't because I'm hungry. My body digests food just like yours does. There's nothing wrong with me being hungry; especially when I starved myself because of people like you.
5. You can never eat until you're full because people say something about it
Whether it is time spent in the dining hall or even holidays at home with family, I'm almost always the last one still eating. In truth, it has a lot to do with how slow I eat, but someone (no matter where I am) says something about me stilleating. I worry about the amount of plates I carry up in the dining hall, and how many times I visit the same area. I worry about how many helpings of mashed potatoes I eat at Thanksgiving and the amount of green beans I consume at Christmas, but GOD FORBID I push a vegetable around on my plate and get slapped with the "you need to eat more vegetables" comment.
6. You get used to people watching you at the salad bar
My trips to the salad bar are never lonely. It's almost ridiculous that I cannot fill a salad bowl with a little lettuce, broccoli, and tomatoes, and eat it if I want to. No, it's like a viewing party; people stare. They tell you to "better yourself", but don't make steps to it in front of people... they watch you like you shouldn't be there.
7. The campus gym makes you feel like a zoo animal
This is another big example of places where people stare at you like you don't belong. It's a continuous stream of staring at you and giggling with their friends. The locker rooms are a nightmare because people are rude if you change in a stall, but laugh at you if you don't. This is one instance where high school follows you to college and into your life.
Perks of being a little bigger:
1. You are well-insulated for winter.
2. Men are naturally attracted to curves; it shows you're fertile enough to bear children.
3. Your thighs touch, so you're almost a mermaid.
4. You sometimes have snacks when others are starving.
5. Cuddling is better because you aren't too bony.
