As a writer, I like to think I'm a pretty reflective person. Every year I set out to become a better me and last year I made a move to hold myself accountable. I wrote a letter to myself in the future asking the future me, who I guess is now the current me, how much progress I made in 2017. I folded it up in a piece of paper labeled, "To Open in 2018" and taped it to the wall behind my nightstand at home.
I expected to crack that baby open and realize just how much I failed this year. 2017 felt like a personal disaster. I'm pretty sure that everything that could have gone wrong did, but here's the incredible part: According to the goals I made last year, I'm not doing half bad.
I wanted 2017 to be about branching out and facing fears, and even with all the turmoil it brought, I did that. I got more involved, joined new organizations, and tried a lot of new things. Sure, plenty of the new things I tried blew up in my face, but the goal wasn't to try new things AND have them go well.
I wanted to keep in touch with my high school friends, or at least a select few, and I did. I wanted to discover new music and explore new places, which I did, sometimes at the same time. I wanted to make new friends I couldn't picture my life without. I did. I wanted to read more and I did... well, at least a little bit more.
In this letter I asked myself if I found a new job, made good money, and feel okay about it. I definitely didn't. I asked if I wrote everyday, even if it was short, messy, and awful. I didn't. I asked if I went to a lot of concerts.
I saw two which I guess to some people is a lot, but definitely not for me. I asked if I stayed positive, even when others treated me negatively. I didn't. I asked if I was happy, and I'm not sure I can say I am.
Most importantly, I asked myself if I grew this year and I don't think there's a way I can say I haven't. I faced fears and failed things. I met new people and lost others. I fought battles the me a year ago never could have imagined. I've fallen apart more times than I thought possible for a single year, but by some miracle, I got up every time even when it was really hard.
I started 2017 restless and optimistic for the future and I guess in some ways I'm looking ahead to 2018 in the same light. After all, if the worst year of my life can be deemed at least a 50% success, there's no way 2018 can be all that bad.
I know a lot of people say the new year isn't special and that you should want to improve yourself all the time, and I do. Sometimes you need a little progress check to hold yourself accountable and that's what that letter was all about.
I can see where I failed last year and I know exactly where I need to focus to better myself in the future. Success or failure, I made strides towards the person I want to be this past year. That's the best anyone can do. That's all we can try to do and all I'm trying for in 2018.
