We've all done it, we all continue to do it; procrastination is a disease that strikes us all. As college students across the country are gearing up to either hand in that paper or take that test which will ultimately have the biggest impact on their grade, I feel the need to help my fellow students try to beat their procrastination habits. There's a slight problem, though: I still haven't figured it out for myself. So, instead of telling you how to beat it, here's a list of all the crap you're going to do anyway. You’re welcome.
1. Before you even start studying, persuade yourself to take a quick trip to the gym. You probably have one on your campus, so you most likely don’t even have to take time to drive to one. It may suck up some “precious study time,” but they can’t expect you to be able to study while being endorphin-deprived, can they?
2. When you get back from the gym, you’ll surely need to shower. You can’t focus on 17th Century Literature if you smell like someone who lived before the days of sanitation. Sure, you could just go the pony-tail/perfume route, but maybe that shower time will get your creative juices flowing.
3. When you get out of the shower, make sure to check your phone. A lot of interesting things probably happened during those 20 minutes, it was out of your hand. Also, if you check it now, you won't be as tempted to check it later while you’re trying to do research, right? Make sure to hit the refresh button a few times and stalk all of your high school friends. Oh, then check Twitter and Instagram. Important things are probably happening there, too.
4. Now that you’re all clean and dry, you should get into your comfiest pair of clothes. You’re going to need to be relaxed when you’re “re”-reading all of those books and typing all of those essays. You’re definitely going to want to try on everything in your closet to make sure you’ve made the right choice in study clothes, though.
5. While you’re up and walking around, you might as well go ahead and make yourself that oh-so-necessary cup of coffee. Or tea -- I don’t judge. Maybe even try out a special new flavor for finals week. If you don’t like it, then you can simply make yourself another cup…or five.
6. Finally, you can sit down at your computer. Check your email. Maybe your professor cancelled the final because their furnace broke and they have to deal with it. You never know; it could happen.
7. While you’re already on the internet, you probably just want to go ahead and look up those cat videos and puppy pictures. You know you’re going to do it eventually. Get that out of the way now, so you can get them out of your mind while doing those calculus review problems.
8. Oh yeah! Since you are looking at adorable animals online, this is the perfect time to remember that dorm fish you bought. You should probably feed him. If he’s still alive.
9. Go back to your computer to start your paper. But wait! What are all of these open internet tabs? You’re going to need to go through those so you only have important tabs up. It’s time to finally take those Buzzfeed quizzes that you’ve been putting off for weeks.
10. Now that your tabs are all closed and you know that you’re the “Phoebe” of your friends group and “Ariel” based on your zodiac sign, you can start working on that paper. Go ahead and open Pages or Word. Actually, go ahead and open one for each essay you have to do. Who said you had to finish one before working on another? Write your headings for all of the papers, and then go take your well deserved break.
11. To reward yourself for completing the oh-so-tedious task of heading your papers, go ahead and open up Netflix. You watch that episode of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”… and you watch that next episode… and you just go ahead and finish the whole darn season. You’ve earned it.
12. After that exhausting Netflix session, you may need some social interaction. Why don’t you give your parents a call to tell them how excited you are for finals to be over and for break to start. And because you’ve written those headings, you can honestly tell them that yes, you have started those papers that are due tomorrow.
13. Back to work. Turn your computer back on and stare at the blank white page. If you’re lucky, inspiration will strike, if not, do not fear! Just go look at that GIF of Spongebob trying to write an essay. You’re not alone… “The ‘bob” knows your pain.
When in doubt, remember how much stuff Spongebob did while he was procrastinating, realize that you’re probably not THAT bad, and recognize that if he can get his paper done, you can get yours done and get ready for your tests, too. Happy Finals Week!
