Black people can't be romantically involved with white people

I can't express how many times I have seen black people completely drag a black woman or man for being romantically involved with someone who is not of African descent (we all come from Africa but OK).

It affects everybody but It's more of "black men disrespecting black women" issue. For example, I remember scrolling on Instagram to see Serena Williams with her husband Alexis Ohanian, who is white, and I was disgusted at the comments. There were many that said, "You are a traitor to the black race," or "You only married him because you want a light-skin baby."

I could go on and on about all the terrible comments that belittled her while she was only trying to share with the world what made her happy. I have seen this same type of bullying target Tamera Mowry for marrying Adam Housley, as well.

I've even heard of families disowning members for marrying someone outside of their race. I actually have a family member who believes that people of different ethnicities should not mix because it makes the "children come out crazy."

I know.

Absurd.

I can understand that not all black people mean to be racist. Especially older black people. Racism is still here but not it's not a direct and "all in yo' face" like it was before blacks had rights. As I black girl, my parents always told me to marry who I knew loved me, no matter what race but make sure that they respect you, so if we ever got into an argument, he wouldn't call me a racist slur. But breaking news, not all white people are racist. Not all white people want to only date white people.

Love is love. It sees no "color, "race," or "ethnicity."

Granted, there are black people who do unfortunately suffer from self-hate that they need validation from lighter complexion or non-black people to feel beautiful or worthy. It's sad because that type of hate stems from the racist tactics used to keep blacks in America inferior and it still affects many black millennials today. But if you're a black person who struggles with your image, well I can understand it. We live in a world where the media constantly plasters what is the epitome of beauty and what is not. I'm here to tell you to stop following man's standards and follow your own.

Depression is not real

I don't why this is, but depression is undermined and ignored in the black community.

First, let's start at where depression first originated to African Americans. It all stems to when the first ship arrived in America in 1619. Not saying that depression did not exist before those times but do you think someone could cope with being kidnapped, separated from their families and brought to a foreign country to be treated like animals?

And that's just me sugarcoating. Blacks in America have endured some horrible things American schools still can't figure out how to teach — it's just that plain evil.

Black people coped by singing freedom negro hymns and spirituals while doing hard labor in the sun. They secretly held Bible meetings and grasped unto what true parts of the Bible that they had. They planned escape routes through songs. Depression wasn't even discovered and diagnosed back then but no one in their right mind could be happy about being in bondage, watching your wife being raped or your children being sold. It's not logical. That depression has followed black people through poverty (no reparations) which can lead to drugs and alcohol use.

But that's not all. Depression can attack even the most educated and successful black person.

Black people today now believe that black people shouldn't get down or have a feeling of wanting to give up life because they believe that if our ancestors could get through slavery, racism and never getting reparations, then black people can get through hard times. To some extent, that is true. I use that to motivate myself when I feel like giving up on life or a goal but depression sees no history, race or background. If it wasn't for race, we would all be the same.

Today there are many black people young and old who suffer from mental illness but have not been taken seriously or are embarrassed because that means admitting that "you're crazy."

Many black people undermine depression as a person "needing Jesus" or having a "demon" in them. As black Christian person who has struggled and still sometimes does with depression and anxiety, I can promise you that having God in your life can help you through it but at the same time, God gave us common sense, a brain, and resources to GET HELP! We have many resources now that our ancestors didn't. We need to use them mindfully and carefully.

Having depression does not make you "weak" or "possessed" or "sinful." It means that life is getting too hard to handle and a couple of hymns will not do. Tell somebody, please. Stop spreading these malicious lies because there is nothing worse than untreated depression. It's like a dark cloud hovering over your brain.

To my all black people, it is not just the "blues." If you don't want to take medication, then get therapy.

All rap music is good music

OK, so I can feel the backlash and disagreement of this but I'm sorry it's true (I'm not sorry).

Rap music grew from the hip-hop and civil rights movements that started in the Bronx around the 1970s. It was used to tell stories ranging from blacks before coming to America to how our ancestors survived through racism. There are so many great classics that I love, for example, "Fight The Power" by Public Enemy. These songs were used to educate black people about their true history and empower blacks to fight for their deserved rights.

I always say that I was born in the wrong generations because some of these songs today, are not it, sis.

I'm not calling out any names or putting anybody artwork down because you like what you like but I hate that the African American community support such disgusting and degrading music.

Especially black women.

This music that we bump and grind to is putting us down. When rap lyrics call you "bitches" and "hoes," it's not cute. When these writers talk about only rocking with "light skins" or "Latina girls" or "straight hair girls," it's not a preference but it indirectly starts a bloody war between light and dark skin girls but also between black women and other women of different ethnicities. That's why so many black women are so rude to each other and we don't even know it.

Jesus, take the wheel.

It's telling little girls growing up that it's about being slim thick and not having a brain. Not going to school and working toward your goals. Nah, if you can twerk and perform these sexual acts then you'll be alright and it's so true.

This music not only influences women to objects but it always influences black men to be disrespectful. To be aggressive and picky toward women. To sell drugs. To sell your soul to God know what. To be in gangs. And low key? It promotes black-on-black crime. How can we say "black lives matter" when we support our own people promoting "putting a cap in a n****."

Like, what? Yeah, I said whet. Period.

Don't get me wrong, I like a little beat and trap myself but I will not — Hold up, let me say it louder for the people in the back — I WILL NOT SUPPORT ARTISTS THAT CREATE MUSIC DETRIMENTAL TO THE AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY.

I said what I said.

Colorism

I never knew this existed until I was in middle school about to go to high school. Growing up, I was this chocolate brown-skinned girl growing up in this small town of Native Americans, blacks and a few whites. Most of my black classmates would only date light skin girls or light skin Native Americans because dark skin black girls were "crusty" or "burnt."

I'll never forget when I went to a high school in Silver Spring, Maryland. A pretty diverse place with people from all over the world. I was a junior, sitting in a honors chemistry class probably balancing equations when this toffee-color black guy was talking loudly with his friends.

He said, "I would never date a dark girl. I don't want no dark, burnt looking girl. I only date light skins. Sometimes if I want something crazy and spicy, I'll date a Latina."

Dude, when I tell you I was so appalled at such a stupid comment coming from a black guy his self? I couldn't believe I was hearing straight. What amazed me the most was this guy was a troublemaker and never did his work. He spent the entire class period rapping lyrics loudly and flirting with a dark-skinned girl in the class.

First of all, who would want you if you can't read the periodical table?

Secondly, what makes you think a Latina girl deserves a bum like you? Whet?

OK, rant over.

Colorism started when Africans were first brought to America and white slave owners give preferential treatment to lighter-skinned slaves. Dark-skinned slaves would labor outside in the heat while light-skinned slaves worked in the house. I think this mostly pertained to the black women but it could have also been used toward the men. Many people seemed to think that the light-skinned slaves had it easy but sometimes, they had it worse. Light-skinned women might be more likely to be raped by the master or attacked by the jealous wife. Many of these light-skinned women were mixed from their mothers being romantically involved with other races or being raped by racist white men.

I don't think they only chose light-skinned women to rape because they were more beautiful than dark-skinned women — it was a tactic used to disconnect slaves so that they would betray each other and fight over being in "the house."

It's so sad when we celebrate not being those times anymore. We got off the white man's plantation but now enslaved our own selves to the same madness. Today, we have black guys downgrading dark-skinned women and praising light-skinned women. You have industries that neglect dark-skinned women because they want the closest thing to European standards. What sickens me the most is how us black women treat each other because of our skin tones. You have light-skinned women acting uppity toward dark-skinned women and dark-skinned women being rude to light-skinned.

When can we celebrate the different levels of melanin in our body and the diversity of blackness? No matter what tone you are, love it — but don't love it so much that your pride tears down another shade.

Colorism is so yesterday. Let it go. Being light-skinned doesn't make you the prettiest girl on the planet and being dark-skinned doesn't make you ugly. I say what makes a person really ugly is their spirit. You can be the most handsome of the prettiest but if your intentions are all about you, then "you sho' is ugly" (think "The Color Purple").

And my, my, my, that boy in my chemistry class sure was ugly. Wonder what McDonald's he working at now?

The 'good hair'

I used relaxers as a kid because my mom, who is now natural, couldn't compete with my thick natural 4c hair. Aha. So, she fried my hair but I had the healthiest head of hair that a relaxed girl could have. I was only 6-year-olds with long relaxed hair to my back and growing toward my waist. My mother was really clever about how regular I got them so it wouldn't break my hair. People would always touch my hair and call me "Doll Baby."

I didn't realize how bad the natural girls had it until I decided to do the big chop. I was 17 when I decided to do it and at first, I had regretted it big time. I would usually rock out my thick relaxed Bantu knots but now I had this short thick 'fro. It wasn't like the people around me supported me, especially Black people. A lot of them scorned me from cutting my "long good hair" and told me horror stories of how I would never get it back.

It was so annoying to have people call my hair nappy or say, "Yeah, girl, you're straight from Africa." Before I relaxed, many Ethiopians had "welcomed" me and saw me as one of them but when I went natural, all of that went away. I was looked at like I was a wild animal. I even had problems talking to guys. Before I went natural, guys would come out of nowhere wanting to talk to me (not that they were good guys) but after I went natural, they wouldn't even look at me. Of course, it did something to my confidence level but it was too late. My hair was gone.

Just recently Lil Duval made a comment about women who wear the natural afro, how it's ugly or they just can't rock with it.

This "good hair" stemmed from many cartoons that were used to suppress black confidence. You ever heard of a "pickaninny"? Search it up. A picture of a dark skin child who's face been distorted like a caricature with nappy, thick, unruly hair.

To my girls with 4c hair: You gotta love yourself, especially the hair that grows naturally from your scalp. If it was "ugly" or not meant to be there, then it wouldn't but it is. Don't put chemicals in your hair because you want someone to like you. That is not a valuable or safe reason. You relax, texturized, or straighten because you want to do it but please don't let it stem from self-hate or wanting to be like somebody else. You'll never be happy.

To everybody else (including every race): 4c hair is not the worst hair. Stop letting this negative stigma shape your thoughts of 4c hair. There is no such thing as "good hair." Good hair is hair that is healthy and not breaking off. Yes, 4c is harder to manage but it can be done. I do it every day and my soft lush 'fro is growing. Don't let the shrinkage fool you.

Black men can't be sensitive

I remember standing at a Rita's Place in Baltimore Maryland. It was a hot day in May and I had gotten picked up from school early. It was my aunt and me. As we waiting in the long line, there happened to be a black family beside us. It seemed like the dad and the son had gotten the ice cream and were waiting for their mom to get hers.

My spirit instantly did not like the dad. You could just sense the meanness by the way he talked to his girlfriend or wife and to his little son.

I don't know why but the little boy seemed to be upset about something. His mom and dad kept talking tough toward him like, "Be a man," "stop crying" or "if you keep being a baby I'mma throw your ice cream away." I felt so bad for him because he looked to be about three or four. Anyway, his mom went throw away some trash and the little son wanted to follow but his dad yanked him back saying, "Damn n****, get off her ass." It was not the first time I had seen black parents being unnecessarily harsh to their sons if they were crying or upset.

I'm not trying to be judgmental but I just don't think it's right. That's why so many black men are disrespectful or not faithful to their girlfriends or wives because they are taught to believe that men shouldn't have a loving side. I know that not all families mean to be harsh. They just want to teach their sons how to be a man.

But being a man does not mean not wearing a pink shirt, not crying during tough times or happy times or not simply telling their woman that they love them because it's "gay" or "weak." It's the most illogical thing I have ever heard.

No matter what gender, we all have emotions and thoughts.

Yes, Black men can do ballet if they want.

Black men can sing if they want.

Black men can cry if they want.

Black men can and should be honest to their women.

Black men can have insecurities.

Black men don't have to be football players or basketball players. They can be a scientist, an artist or even a youth preacher.

Black men can be sensitive.

I wish I would've told that dad that wanting his mom will not make him gay or make him a sissy. He's a child that wants to be with his mother every second of the day and that should be cherished because once they successfully drill that into him, that child will not even give his parents the time of day because he was scorned from doing that.

I have the sweetest little nephew who loves everything and everybody and I want to remind him (and one day my future sons) that being a man is about being honest, kind, strong, intelligent, keeping God first of your life and always loving, even if the world hates you. You fight for what's right while loving at the same time.

Stop trying to be cool. Not every smiling face in this world is your friend.

Shaming black people for 'acting white'

Oh man. This was the thorn in my side. I always struggled to fit in with a lot of black people because I just didn't fit the stereotype that some black people religiously lived by. Black girls are stereotyped as loud, ghetto, rude, uneducated, weave wearing, best sex partners, strippers, young baby mamas and ready to fight on sight.

Not all black girl can twerk.

Not all black girls come from the project.

Not all black girls like dealing with broke Tyrone.

Not shaming anyone who is like that but you might want to reconsider your life choices. Anyway, I was more of a nerd in middle school and high school. Before moving to Maryland, I went to a school that was predominantly black and Native American. I was so excited to be around black kids because Native Americans at my middle school made being black "ugly."

My expectations failed me. I made a lot of enemies with black girls because I wasn't like them. I was teased for not wearing makeup or going to parties. Let me just say, I grew up in a Christian household but my parents were not strict. If I wanted to go to a party, I could. Just don't do drugs and don't drink and drive. If I do drink, bring my own alcohol and don't trust ANYONE. Even though I had all that freedom, I was not interested in sneaking around with boys while my parents were out of town or skipping school to smoke weed. I was a smart and lazy kid.

Many black girls thought that I had this uppity thing about me but it was only because I didn't look up to them. I didn't think some of the stuff they did was cute. They were just proving the false racists comments about us to be true. I was "white" for speaking proper or "white" for listening to The Preatures. I was a black girl with no labels. I love reading. I love science and I love debating. I hated parties unless we were eating good food and having a safe dorky type of fun. Hey, I'm different.

I was excluded from other black kids for not acting "black." Like how should a black girl act? Nothing pissed me off more than black kids telling me to stop talking "white." As if using big vocabulary words were only for white people. It made me so upset because they were unwaveringly associating black people as uneducated and associating white people to be educated. I didn't understand it but usually these kids where the type to first scream racist when a white person would not respond due to their rudeness.

It's the same with black guys toward other black guys. You're "white" if you like anime or rock music. You're "white" if you play lacrosse. You're "white" if you hang around white friends. It's pathetic and I'm tired of hearing this jank stuff. It's 2019 peeps. Grow the heck up!

Yes, there are some "Uncle Ruckus" black people who try to not identify as black because there is so much negative stigma toward blacks. So, they imitate what they see white people do or they only associate with white people and say everything negative about blacks. But you shouldn't tease them or make fun of them. They are actually convinced that being black is the worst thing ever in the world but that's something that doesn't come naturally. It's learned. It's been drilled into their head to believe such lie. Instead of proving to them right, prove them wrong and show them that black people don't have to be stereotyped or live by a certain label. You have the individual freedom to be whoever you want to be.

Black people who are Christians are 'coons'

There is a lot of meanings for this word. It can be used against blacks and white but where I am from, it means a country, uneducated black person who believes in the white god and white Jesus. Yup.

Boy. I have gotten into a lot of debates about this one (mostly in my head). Haha. You see, there is a good percentage of blacks who are not Christian because they believe that it is a "white man's" religion.

Well, first of all, hate to burst ya bubble but Jesus was not a white man. Secondly, nowhere in the Bible does it say that is specifically for white people because then every white person would be Christian.

I know, if you read my last post about Christian myths then you would know that it has a lot of negative stigmas. A lot of black people refuse to look at a Bible because Christianity was used to enslave black people but let me tell you, people can take something good and turn it bad. I'm not trying to indoctrinate anyone but I always say, it's best to know for yourself because people (even your own people) will stray you. You have to read the Bible for yourself. You have to read black history for yourself. Let me say this loud for the deaf and uneducated black people in the back.

Ethiopia was one of the first Christian nations in Africa centuries before American slavery ever began!

Period.

Do you think anybody in their right mind would believe in a God that supported such an evil thing? Well, you may say, well, God allowed it to happen to black people. But God gives us free will. Just like I have the free will to go and kill someone right now. I shouldn't do it because it's against God's plan but I do it because I want to. This world isn't perfect and no man is either. Best believe that what you reap, you will sow. Everyone will pay for their wrongdoings but I'm not here to preach.

I'm here to say that black people who do truly worship God are not "coons."

Yes, unfortunately, there are some black people who are stuck in the "white man Christianity" that was once used to suppress black people but why hide parts of the Bible if all of it is fake? What's the purpose? The point? I'm just saying. Even if you swear to never believe in a God, don't knock other black people that do. We know our history. We know the truth. We know that America was never a Christian country. We know the truth. Don't be mad because we put our hope in something. If God happens to not be real, then what do we have to lose? We aren't missing out on anything in this imperfect world. If anything, we gained something. Wisdom.