John Oliver did a special on sex education a few months back. In it, he discusses a sex education video wherein the guy keeps pressing the girl for sex, and the girl has to say no vehemently for the guy to get the idea. As Oliver notes, “It’s good that that girl was taught the power to say no, but nowhere in the video do they point out that the guy should have been a lot better at hearing it.”

Thus we find the first of many examples where women’s decisions on sex are the only ones that are given emphasis and men’s go-to desire for sex remains unquestioned. Why call this rape culture? Guys want to have sex all the time, right? Isn’t that the way it’s always been?

I’m not really sure. Maybe it has always been like that. But that doesn’t mean it’s always right.

I think the United States, or to expand, pretty much every first world country, has problems coming to terms with systemic sexism and rape culture. Rape culture in particular is a very loaded term, so let’s define our terms right here.

Rape culture is not about rape. That is to say, it’s not just about rape. According to Marshall University Women’s Center’s definition of the term, “Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.” But most people, especially men, have a picture in their heads about what rape culture is, and it isn’t the United States. It’s Saudi Arabia, or Egypt, where the rape laws are scarce and women can barely walk out of the house alone without the expectation of sexual violence. But that isn’t every rape culture. Just because we don’t look like that doesn’t mean there can’t be positive change enacted. Just because there are laws on the books against rape doesn’t mean that it isn’t a problem.

Let’s look at some statistics. Many women don’t report rape, either through fear or are urged against it. Researchers from the University of Surrey estimated that approximately 1 in 7 rapes by males against females are reported. In 2011, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that "nearly 20% of all women" in the United States suffered attempted rape or rape sometime in their life. More than a third of the victims were raped before the age of 18.

But isn’t male rape also a problem, you ask? Yes, but it’s not equivocal. The same CDC study found that, in the US, 1 in 71 men had been raped or suffered an attempt within their lifetime, usually by male perpetrators. On top of that, the number of false rape accusations is typically anywhere from 2 to 8% at its highest.

Of course not all men are “rapists in training,” but that doesn’t change the fact that the majority of sexual violence is perpetrated by males. Shifting the blame to women is defeatist, and it’s especially cruel to the victims of rape and sexual violence.

Women are saying no. They’ve been saying no for quite a while now. Now it’s time for men to start hearing it.