Most of the time growing up, my decisions were pretty much laid out before me. I never really had to worry about the things that most teens faced because I either didn't have the opportunity or just wasn't interested.
Now that I'm in college and life and I have become acquainted (she's pretty rude sometimes, let me tell you), I'm faced with decisions every day that range from the simplest and smallest things to things that could change my entire future. Whoever decided teenagers are mature enough to pick what they want to do in life but aren't mature enough to drink should really re-think their lifestyle choices.
On an average day, I can spend up to 20 minutes at a time thinking about what I want for lunch. Stupid, I know. Writing articles like these are horrible because I can never decide what to write and when I start, I don't like it and then start all over again until it comes to the point where I'm running head-first into the deadlines. Sigh.
I've changed my major once already. I've thought about going COMPLETELY different directions, but am too scared to do so. I thought about studying childhood development. I've thought about studying communication disorders. I've thought about becoming a paramedic. I don't know what the future holds for me and that's honestly terrifying. I hate failure. I'm scared of not being good enough but it becomes so much worse when you're not sure what you're supposed to be good at.
I wander through life and wonder what would have happened had I made a different decision, wonder what would happen if I made one, and spend entirely too much time trying to figure out how many fries I want with my chicken nuggets.
I can't decide who I want to be friends with so I don't approach anybody. I can't decide on the simple things and so, of course, I end up asking everyone else's opinions and living my life based on that because I'm too scared or too uncertain to think for myself.
I don't know whether any of this is coherent because I'm writing it at 4:52 in the morning. Maybe I should have written something else and this whole thing is meaningless. Too late now.
