Prison

I'm never going to be fixed

I’m never going to be free

I’m never going to escape the feelings that keep weighing on me
I'm never going to have the pieces of my heart together
I'm never going to beat the same
I'm never going to be the same
I want to numb the pain so bad that if it was physical I would keep
punching myself, I would keep my body in hot water for hours or hit my head on the wall until I can't feel pain anymore
You hurt me
You lied to me
You chose to be with me when I was at my most vulnerable
You chose to be with me so you can break me
Because I wasn't good enough
I was kind
I was sweet
Qualities you never wanted in me
You chose to be with me because I was weak
You knew that if you had hurt me
I could never be the same
Your excuses were that you wanted to toughen me out
To not be kind
To not be sweet
I can't even recognize the old me
You knew by hurting me, I would hurt myself
I would cry to sleep
I would want to cut my skin so deep so it can bleed
To the point where I would rush to the emergency room
Where doctors would heal me
You knew that I was so weak that I wouldn't want to breathe
You knew that I would be depressed
And feel like no one will ever love me
That no one will ever care for or about me
You would curse at me
You would grab me
You would use me
You would cause me agony
I feel so trapped inside my own body because I can never be free of the hurt, and the pain that you had caused me
I can never be free of you because all you do is haunt me
All the bad memories haunt me
They surround me
They're trapped inside me
I can never trust anyone ever again
Because of the type of love that you showed me when it wasn't really love
and just abuse
It was control over my soul that is becoming cold
You shattered my heart into pieces

Forever tortured in my mind, forever suffering inside because of your cruel ways

Should’ve known that you never meant a damn thing when you said you were devoted to me
And I can't seem to put the pieces of my heart back in the right place so it can beat properly
You broke me and
I will always be
Because of the choice I made when I thought you were good for me
But to find out that
I will never be free because of the feelings I have, the pain that you caused, making me unknown to my own self, realizing
I am a prisoner in my own body.