Girls are often given rather high standards to live up to when it comes to their popular idols in the media. Most young girls are incredibly impressionable, thus what we introduce them to could result in unrealistic expectations later down the road. Yet, whenever we talk about living up to expectations, we only talk about the average girls. What about those gals who descend from royalty? Our society spends so much time talking about how impressionable our peasants are, we forget our real life princesses need guidance too.

Unfortunately, princesses are being given impossible standards to live by with a role model by the name of Princess Peach (or Princess Toadstool). The Super Mario character is a monster to society, gift-wrapped in rosy cheeks and a smile. Today, we’re going to take down this menace and show how Peach is giving royalty unrealistic expectations.

Take a look inside her wardrobe. Peach dresses most days in a beautiful pink gown, which is iconic to say the least. I think it enforces the gender expectation that girls should wear pink, which yes is pretty shitty of Peach to do that, but her wearing pink isn’t the worst of it. On other days when she decides to be active, LOOK at what she wears…

Holy crap, how short you trying to go there, Peach? Fingertip length, missy, FINGERTIP LENGTH. You can clearly see she has koopa-toe showing in those tight shorts. The only way I can fathom her wearing those is if she's trying to show the whole Mushroom Kingdom this peach has got fuzz (zinger).

Peach’s royal subjects are a race of bipedal mushroom freaks called “Toads”. These walking, talking bundles of mythical nonsense show nothing, but their undying love to their fair leader. Well, in the world of politics, that is incredibly unlikely. In the business Peach represents, you are constantly being judged for every move you make. How is it, then, that none of the Toads ever criticize Peach? Its insane that we have earth’s princesses feeling like everyone they rule should be happy simply because Peach does it.

Let's be honest… the Mushroom Kingdom’s foreign relations are down the green pipes. Peach and her Kingdom have been at war with the Koopa Kingdom since 1983. With this war still waging past 2016, the terror has been going on for nearly 33 years. That is far beyond both WWI and WWII combined, Her citizens have been terrorized by the koopas, constantly being trapped in dank castles and being turned into floating brick blocks. If a toad can’t feel safe under her rule, no other princess should be looking to her for pointers. The way she meets with the king of the koopas, Bowser, is appalling. While all of her subjects live in fear, she goes go-karting with the near-terroristic leader. Its fucked.

Peach the “perfect” strikes again when it comes to choosing a lover. When you are in royalty, who you decide to marry has everything to do with anything. Depending on your husband will determine what bonds you will create amongst the elites in the world (plus, the more popular the couple is, the more views your televised wedding will get. All about them views, baby). So when Princess Peach decides she fancies a small-town plumber named Mario (besides when she's skanking around with his brother Luigi) it creates an “i’m better than you” tone. Peach thinks sooooo highly of herself that she could marry a laborer and not a prince. Well, guess what “Princess”? Royal life doesn’t work that way. You’re SUPPOSED to marry other royalty. The illusion of marital freedom is the cornerstone of royal romance. Why would you even want to make other princesses feel like the shit your boyfriend cleans for a living? It's just sickening that people think they can look up to you.

Well, world? Are you woke yet? Royal families around the world need your help. Please, lets stop giving these girls unrealistic role models and START giving them support… and part of your income for no reason.