Overthinking. It leaves you up at night, playing different scenarios in your mind of what could, should, or will happen. It steals you from the moment in which life is trying to tell you to just play out. Unfortunately, I am a consistent sufferer of overthinking. I let it control a decent amount of aspects in my life, and most of the time I let it get the best of me. Instead of enjoying a moment for what it actually is, I let my thoughts and anxiety consume me until I find some sort of relief.
The vicious cycle will continue. The relief never truly comes. There will always be things to overthink about, things that will try to test you in moments of truth and fate. There are so many decisions we have to make for ourselves even within a day. In a short 24 hour span, life is is forever altered by the decisions that we have made yesterday. My every move is judged by the inside of my brain. "What if I turned left instead of right? What if I eat this banana instead of an orange? What if I text this person? What if I don't?" These stupid little decisions all have one thing in common, the dreaded "what if". It is a consistent theme that surrounds overthinking. It leaves you muddled and disturbed about the future, making life that much more difficult to enjoy. Those two words will end up dictating your future. If you keep stating "what if?", you will turn life into a world of suffering.
Happiness is the cost we pay by doing this. It is a heavy price to pay. Overthinking, worrying ourselves to the edge of miserableness. Your mind will start to race. Your hair will grow thin. Your eyes which were once so bright will slowly begin to sink into your pale-turning skin. Your body weight will fluctuate. You find that you're nauseous more often, and once a week the pounding headache kicks in. Trying to maintain a regular sleep schedule is useless at this point. Laying in bed, with thoughts firing at a rapid rate, you try to convince yourself you are not going insane. It is a game in which you will always lose. The more you try and fight it, the deeper you fall into the hole.
I am an over-thinker. My overthinking is directly related to my mental illness. I know the cost of overthinking all too well. Anxiety, depression, insomnia are added to the list of culprits. I know how it feels to be trapped, to feel like there is no way out of your own mind no matter how hard you try. I have paid all of the high prices of overthinking. But I have found a coupon, and here's what it says: You can't always control the future and the situations you are put into. Simple enough, but very powerful. No matter how much you think, how much you try and map out every aspect of your life, you just can't. You can however, control how you respond to what is happening around you.
So choose to live a healthy lifestyle. Set a routine, follow it, and put your mental health first. It will be the hardest thing you do, and some days it may feel impossible. For me, it is a struggle every day. With happiness at stake, it is always worth a chance. I am still working on it as best I can, but I will not let my life be overtaken.
I will not let my thoughts pay the price of my future.
