Football. One of America’s beloved past times, but in Seattle more people have been starting to hop on the Seahawks bandwagon each year. What does this ultimately mean? It means that as Washington residents, some of us have to put up a front to pretend how we are all die-hard fans. Some of you may not feel the obligation to be fans; I think the news refers to you as “the 1 percent.” The rest of us are smart enough to see that being a Seahawks fan is the coolest thing you could pretend to like since cigarettes. So here are some tips on how to infiltrate this concrete fan-base.
Unlike other sports, Seahawks fandom is solely judged on how much apparel you wear/have. This is a concept known as The Trojan Fan Approach. If people see how decorated you are in that Sherman jersey along with all your headwear representing the team, no one will doubt your loyalty for a second. So if there was ever a time to break the bank, it’s now.
Half the battle is appearance. Sadly, over-spending your money on high-priced sports gear is not enough for you to get by as a true Seahawks fan. In my travels, I have seen that actual fans tend to feel that it is somehow okay to approach others while they wear their Seahawks gear. In the slightly rare case that this happens, do not panic. The native Seahawks fans tend to smell out those who pretend to be supporters, but I have discovered a way to eliminate this doubt.
There is the possibility you can avoid all interaction with the actual fan altogether. As they approach you, hold up your hand for a high-five and yell out “Beast-mode.” They will know exactly what you’re talking about and leave you right alone. If that works then congratulations, you avoided detection.
If they choose to pursue a conversation with you after your bullet-proof greeting, stay calm. They will most likely ask you about what you thought about last week’s game or about a specific player. When this happens, all you have to do is say something about how Marshawn Lynch was totally making moves and they will probably be completely satisfied with that contribution to the conversation.
If you don’t feel comfortable enough pretending to know things about football, that’s okay as well. Just simply tell the person that you started being a fan only a couple years ago. I’m happy to tell you that there is a one in three chance they only started being a fan the same time as you.
As you can see, pretending to be a Seahawks fan is not easy in anyway, but people still find a way to give off that impression all the time. Do you blame them though? Who likes feeling left out in their own home state? I think I would rather spend $100 on a Seahawks jersey then have to explain myself to every self-righteous fan who has only been following the team for the past two years that I’m just really not that into football. Yes, it’s a tragedy that I’m not an active Seahawks fan, but yes, it’s better than pretending to be one. So some of us will continue to refuse to take away from the real Seahawks fans who have been religiously following this team since before their fandom was a bandwagon activity.
