2016 is already shaping up to be an interesting year for the presidential race. And while we are bombarded by political pundits and talking heads discussing the personas of the potential nominees, what we need to do is dial back and consult the only real authority on character identification: the Sorting Hat. Here are the 2016 presidential candidates sorted into Hogwarts houses.
Donald Trump—Gryffindor
He’s loud. He’s in the spotlight. And “brave” is definitely one word to describe this guy. Hogging the attention with fiery tirades and demanding the leadership puts Trump in the strong Gryffindor house. His face is almost as red as the banners.
Hillary Clinton—Slytherin
She’s ambitious and cunning and will do anything to get what she wants. Clinton has a sketchy political background, but, who knows, she could just be misunderstood. And there is a slight chance that she might secretly be a reptile.
Bernie Sanders—Hufflepuff
Tolerant, accommodating and honest are all words to describe both the kind Hufflepuffs and Senator Sanders. Hufflepuffs make good friends and are good finders, just like how Bernie found the millennial vote.
Ted Cruz—Ravenclaw
Cruz has an impressive academic pedigree, and his following career is nothing to scoff at. This achiever would soar high in Ravenclaw, who are known for their studious natures and knowledge. Plus, he’s by far the biggest nerd on the ballot.
Marco Rubio—Gryffindor
Rubio is all about image: his speeches, his policies, even his hair. What other house besides Gryffindor could this attention-seeker possibly fit into? The only snag is his lack of loyalty to Latin-American immigrants, but what’s a guy to do?
Martin O’Malley—Hufflepuff
O’Malley is currently polling in the single digits: a level of irrelevancy only attainable by a Hufflepuff.
Ben Carson—Slytherin
He kind of looks like the snake from"The Jungle Book," right? We still don’t know what this perpetually calm candidate is capable of, and the unforgivable curses have not been ruled out.
Jeb Bush—Squib
It must be hard being the nonmagical one in the family. Sorry about it.