Finals are coming, and what is the college experience without utilizing your time for the authentic college experience. These moments could effect the rest of your life so choose wisely and don't make any mistakes ever or you will live with endless regret and hate yourself forever. Finals are a fun way to prove you've learned things by memorizing facts and numbers that you will forget in a month and vomiting them onto paper either in the form of writing a paper and not going to sleep or choosing "C" on the scantron when you have no clue what the answer is. Finals can be scary, they hold a lot of weight and uncertainty. There are ways to alleviate some of this stress, and I know some of them. So here are six ways to prep for finals.
1. Sharknado
I cannot stress enough how good this movie is. The genius idea of making a poorly made monster movie on purpose is phenomenal. It's so hard to choose a favorite, seeing as there are currently four of them: "Sharknado", "Sharknado: the second one", "Sharknado 3: Oh hell no!" and "Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens". Each film gets more and more bizarre, I highly recommend watching it with your friends. If you have any lol.
2. Get a Pen Pal
What better way to disassociate from your life then to get involved in someone else's life that you have no connection to other than writing to them? This fun and entirely outdated form of communication will take up a lot of your time and mental energy. You won't be able to focus on trivial things like the 18 pages you have to write for your history final because you'll be far too busy writing 18 pages to Albina in Vladikavkaz, Russia about literally anything but Roman Civilization.
3. Hibernation
Some people say that humans are incapable of hibernation, but who says you can't be the first person ever to successfully sleep for months in a cave. Who's going to stop you? Your mom? If you're a commuter maybe; but if you live on campus you are in charge of your life. Your roommate may try to stop you but just put up a "do not disturb" sign or something. Plan carefully, eat as much as you can the day of, take full advantage of that meal plan, then promptly go to sleep. You may miss your finals put you have to put that on the back burner because revolutionizing the science world has taken priority now.
4. Become the next Jackson Pollock.
Jackson Pollock was famous for his abstract drip paintings. He would throw, dribble, and splatter paint on huge canvases in his barn all day and made a career out of it. Why not you? Action painting is totally doable, and Pollock isn't really on the scene anymore since he died in a car accident in 1956. He basically did that just for you and you're sitting here worrying about finals? Go dance with a canvas while covered in paint and make a life for yourself!
5. Work hard on your finals.
no one does this
6. Ascend into a celestial being.
Ascend into space and live past time and existence. Live in the 7th dimension and care not of earthly things for you have become something entirely new beyond human comprehension. It is beautiful and terrifying all at once.
But like, you should still write to Albina, your letters are the highlight of her month.
