Every day people joke about pregnancy. They may joke that they personally are pregnant, or perhaps make a joke that you or someone else is pregnant. Most of the time those comments are said in good fun. The people making the jokes mean no harm.
Not everyone sees it that way, however. One in four women will lose a child in their lifetime. Some go on to have other children, often called rainbow babies. Some will fight infertility and their only child is their angel baby. Some may have had children prior to their loss, or sunshine babies. Still, others will not be so lucky. Some will suffer just the one loss. Others go on to have multiple losses.
The children will be lost to SIDS, to stillborn, to miscarriage, or to a number of other reasons and causes. The statistics for each are different. The grief may look different, but the heartbreak is the same.
For these women and their families, these jokes about pregnancy can be painful. It is a constant reminder of what they've lost. It is feeling the heartbreak all over. It's knowing all too well that the reality is not every pregnancy comes with a happy ending. Some end in heartbreaks and grief. They end with funerals and memorials for the child they had to say goodbye to much too soon. To them, it's not funny to joke about being pregnant. To them, it's heartbreak all over.This subject hits close to home for me. I am one in four. I had to say goodbye before I ever had the chance to say hello to my sweet little one.
At 24 I found out that I was pregnant. I immediately fell in love with this child I hadn't yet met. This little being growing inside me. I started planning and making lists. I wanted my kid to have the best life possible. I knew I was going to have to make a lot of sacrifices and there would be a lot of changes, but I knew that this child would be worth it. A few short weeks later I discovered that my body was going to be forced to miscarry. My pregnancy was ectopic and I was lucky to have caught it when I did, so I wouldn't need surgery. I didn't feel lucky that day. Nearly four years later and I still don't feel lucky. Although I no longer hurt the way I used to, the loss is still painful in its own ways. I am certain it always will.
So, like many other women, pregnancy jokes come across as insensitive and hurtful to me. I will not lecture you on it if you make a joke. I won't get rude. I will simply ignore the remark, and often times you. I won't laugh just so you feel comfortable. I won't tell you about my loss in order to make you feel awkward. I simply won't respond.
Pregnancy isn't a laughing matter. One in four women will suffer at least one loss. One in eight couples will struggle with infertility. Please, before you make a pregnancy joke, think about the hurt it could cause.
